Two Years

March 1st. I don't know how that happened! But, I love spring. And summer. I'm not a big winter person--although, to be honest, we didn't even have a winter here in Baltimore. We had maybe an inch of snow, it didn't stick, and very few days that required busting out my down coat.

I bought new snow boots in November, so, everyone in Maryland, you're welcome for the mild winter.

I digress.

Spring! Flowers! Sunshine! It's all so lovely. My now husband proposed to me in spring of 2015, and we married in late spring last year. Spring is just the best.

It signals new beginnings and changes.

For me, in March of 2015, everything changed. I had been sick for 5 months previously, with the last few leading me to be basically bedridden. I lost my jobs, gained oh so much weight, was barely able to stomach much food, slept very little, and was on and off various medications trying to figure out what was wrong.

Two of my lowest points include being so sick I didn't even puke in the toilet, and forcing myself to inject medication in my thigh at 1am.

I was sent home and dismissed by numerous doctors, including a weeklong stint at The Mayo Clinic which left me heartbroken, distraught and even more confused. At one point, a doctor looked me square in the eye and told me I was lying. So. That happened.

After returning home from Minnesota, the one boss I still had hooked me up with a client of hers who referred me to her physician. And God bless it all--she believed me. She didn't send me home. She didn't question. She didn't have answers, but, she was willing to fight for me. And fight for me she did.

Together we poured over months of doctor's notes, medications, and hospital visits. Together we formed a plan. Together we figured it out.

By March, I was undergoing tests for a heart condition--me! A heart condition? A marathon runner and barre instructor?

And a few weeks later, everything changed. I sat in my cardiologists office as his PA shared my results with me. My stupid heart doesn't work right. Marathons are out. Running is out. Keeping my heart rate low is in. Strength training is ok. Burpees are not.

Everything stopped. I had defined myself by running for the last, what, six years? It was all gone. I remember stumbling out of the office and going home to lay down and process everything. I was so grateful to finally have answers (my heart condition is caused by a genetic condition that I was born with--thanks mom--and had no idea about until my doctor started running tests), finally understand what was happening and why. But, my life was forever changed. Not only could I no longer run, but, I now had to address all the underlying symptoms. A rheumatologist, cardiologist, gastro specialist, neurologist. The list goes on.

Two years later, with a team of doctors, I'm lucky that I have mostly good days. Most days I don't have issues getting out of bed, most days I can function from sun up to sun down. Most days.

And on the bad days, I stay in bed, watch The West Wing and eat a lot of Cheetos.

All this to say, March is bittersweet for me. It's the month where everything changed. It's the month that I took control. It's the month where I got answers.

Yesterday was Rare Disease Day, and I fall under that category. I hope that anyone reading who battles unknown illnesses will keep fighting. Keep your chin up, keep pressing forward. You CAN do this.

Happy Spring. Don't ever give up on yourself!

xo