Ahh, comforting words I said to myself last weekend as I donned a bathing suit and set up camp next to the pool. Thank heaven's we weren't having friends over or anything, I wouldn't want to scar them for life.
It hit me like a freight train--I'm just not "in shape" anymore and it blows. Sure, I can run forever, but, ask me to flex an arm muscle, and there won't be anything. This is stupid.
I've got a wedding to go to in August and believe you me, I want to look freaking awesome. Because I used to be referred to as "the little one"--not so much anymore, and I want my title back! And, these pictures are going to live on the mantel and walls of my in laws home forever, and if I've got to stare at them, I better look good.
So, what did I do?
I signed up for 6 months with a personal trainer. Once a week. For six months. And my bank account just had a heart attack.
A bit self indulgent? Maybe. Will it be worth it? Heck yes.
Now, I realize that three months would have sufficed just fine, but, I figured it's cheaper per month for the loner time period, and this will get me right up until the holidays and my birthday--which we all know my ultimate goal is to look good on my birthday--something that has yet to happen.
I've only ever had a trainer once and it was for the month before my wedding. It's definitely an expense I wasn't expecting, but, I think it's clear that I can't lose the chub on my own. If it helps me feel better about myself, then, I'm all for the $$ spent. This just means that my dining out, clothing and makeup budget must shrink. Like my booty.
Let's hope someone can whip me into shape!
Have you ever had a personal trainer? Was it beneficial?
Friday, May 28, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Houston, we have a problem
(or, Dallas, we have a problem?)
Problem? The firepit.
I love that thing. I've wanted one since the hubs and I got out of the sweet, sweet world of apartment life and moved into a little rental house (sometimes I sooo miss the apartment. Washing machine leaking? Call maintenance! Garbage disposal stuck? Call maintenance!). But, since we didn't own the home and our backyard was kind of janky anyway, we didn't get one due to the fact that uhhh, we didn't want to burn down the house (sidenote: the house next door to ours that our landlord also owned? Burned down earlier this year. I'm certain there was no firepit involved).
Then, two years ago, we bought our very own piece of land (and by "land" I mean that strip of grass in our front yard) and ever since then I have been going on and on about a damn firepit already. I mean s'mores, sitting around by the fire and talking--how fun!
But it was not meant to be. The ones we liked were never in stock, or we missed the "season" during which Target/Home Depot/Lowes stocks them (fyi, it's January-April, which makes a crapton of sense, obviously). But damnit, I wanted one.
So, last week. The sis and the hubs bought one. And the sis put it together because I was having a bad day. Because she's awesome.
Obviously, we're going to make s'mores.
Obviously, I'm going to buy supplies. Did you know that on the back of the graham cracker box there is a recipe for s'mores? A recipe! Isn't it just like we're born knowing how to make them. I found this hilarious.
The problem? It's 500 billion degrees here and humid as hell. Soooo, we haven't made friends with the firepit yet because it does not cool down at night and who wants to sit by a fire when it's already as hot as the core of the earth? My point exactly.
But, I have s'mores supplies and they cannot go to waste (not like the time I bought marshmallows for Rice Crispies and forgot about them and then they went stale). Naturally, I make them in the microwave (this is not as fun. Or tasty). Currently? I've killed half a box of graham crackers.
This is a problem.
Problem? The firepit.
I love that thing. I've wanted one since the hubs and I got out of the sweet, sweet world of apartment life and moved into a little rental house (sometimes I sooo miss the apartment. Washing machine leaking? Call maintenance! Garbage disposal stuck? Call maintenance!). But, since we didn't own the home and our backyard was kind of janky anyway, we didn't get one due to the fact that uhhh, we didn't want to burn down the house (sidenote: the house next door to ours that our landlord also owned? Burned down earlier this year. I'm certain there was no firepit involved).
Then, two years ago, we bought our very own piece of land (and by "land" I mean that strip of grass in our front yard) and ever since then I have been going on and on about a damn firepit already. I mean s'mores, sitting around by the fire and talking--how fun!
But it was not meant to be. The ones we liked were never in stock, or we missed the "season" during which Target/Home Depot/Lowes stocks them (fyi, it's January-April, which makes a crapton of sense, obviously). But damnit, I wanted one.
So, last week. The sis and the hubs bought one. And the sis put it together because I was having a bad day. Because she's awesome.
Obviously, we're going to make s'mores.
Obviously, I'm going to buy supplies. Did you know that on the back of the graham cracker box there is a recipe for s'mores? A recipe! Isn't it just like we're born knowing how to make them. I found this hilarious.
The problem? It's 500 billion degrees here and humid as hell. Soooo, we haven't made friends with the firepit yet because it does not cool down at night and who wants to sit by a fire when it's already as hot as the core of the earth? My point exactly.
But, I have s'mores supplies and they cannot go to waste (not like the time I bought marshmallows for Rice Crispies and forgot about them and then they went stale). Naturally, I make them in the microwave (this is not as fun. Or tasty). Currently? I've killed half a box of graham crackers.
This is a problem.
Monday, May 24, 2010
So. I didn't watch Lost.
I know, right. Who am I? And no, I don't care about spoilers, it's not going to bug me. I've been on Twitter and stuff and listened to the radio.
I just didn't have the energy to watch it (that show totally exhausts me) and I wasn't feeling all that well. So, it was early to bed. Even though I didn't fall asleep. I just laid there sick all night (grrrr!). Which meant I got 4 hours of sleep. And that's an overestimate. Considering I was literally up wide awake ever 45 minutes. My hell. I'm going to tape my eyelids open, in case you're wondering.
I ran 9 terrible miles on Saturday. I again started the day in some parallel universe where I thought 10 seemed like a good idea. I was wrong.
Asthma attack+heat exhaustion=HELL. I barely made it and spent the remainder of the day trying to recover. Not thrilled. Last year I acclimated to the heat in like 3 seconds. This year? OhmygahitllbeJulyandIstillwontbeabletorun. Jeezus. Stupid humidity.
Also, can I tell you how much I love y'all with your mutual disdain for KStew as mentioned on my last post? Y'all are awesome. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like I hate all vampires or want to smack Stephanie Meyer (because I don't! Really! I'm sure she's very nice), not at all. I'm just more of an Anne Rice, Brad Pitt before Angelia Jolie as a vampire type. For whatever reason I was in love with Interview With a Vampire when I was in college. No idea why. Also? Not a good movie to watch by yourself when you're 19. Just a thought.
I haven't watched that movie in years. Sadtimes.
Tonight? Tonight I will watch Lost. Armed with spoilers and ideas. So I won't feel so lame.
And then I'm going to sit outside by my awesome firepit and make me s'mores. Because that's what grownups do. Watch Lost and eat s'mores.
Awesome.
I just didn't have the energy to watch it (that show totally exhausts me) and I wasn't feeling all that well. So, it was early to bed. Even though I didn't fall asleep. I just laid there sick all night (grrrr!). Which meant I got 4 hours of sleep. And that's an overestimate. Considering I was literally up wide awake ever 45 minutes. My hell. I'm going to tape my eyelids open, in case you're wondering.
I ran 9 terrible miles on Saturday. I again started the day in some parallel universe where I thought 10 seemed like a good idea. I was wrong.
Asthma attack+heat exhaustion=HELL. I barely made it and spent the remainder of the day trying to recover. Not thrilled. Last year I acclimated to the heat in like 3 seconds. This year? OhmygahitllbeJulyandIstillwontbeabletorun. Jeezus. Stupid humidity.
Also, can I tell you how much I love y'all with your mutual disdain for KStew as mentioned on my last post? Y'all are awesome. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like I hate all vampires or want to smack Stephanie Meyer (because I don't! Really! I'm sure she's very nice), not at all. I'm just more of an Anne Rice, Brad Pitt before Angelia Jolie as a vampire type. For whatever reason I was in love with Interview With a Vampire when I was in college. No idea why. Also? Not a good movie to watch by yourself when you're 19. Just a thought.
I haven't watched that movie in years. Sadtimes.
Tonight? Tonight I will watch Lost. Armed with spoilers and ideas. So I won't feel so lame.
And then I'm going to sit outside by my awesome firepit and make me s'mores. Because that's what grownups do. Watch Lost and eat s'mores.
Awesome.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Random stuff (and a rant on Twilight)
I'm totally sucked of creative juices today (and, well, everyday lately, to tell you the truth) so, y'all are just going to get a mish mash of stuff and like it (I might have said that last night while serving dinner. What? Beans, zucchini and tomato sauce doesn't sound appealing? That's all we had. Deal....It actually was quite tasty, thanks to my heavy hand with garlic, pepper and cheese....cheese makes it all better).
1. I have a new obsession with the name Ellie Kate because it would be the perfect name for my future daughter to honor my two grandmothers. Of course, I already know an Ellie Kate, my dog's name is Ella, and my name sounds an awful lot like 'Ellie'. Oh, and, I'm like 50 billion lightyears away from being pregnant. But, whatevs. Is it just a generally female thing to be obsessed with the names of our future offspring?
2. I want to own really fancy pieces of jewelry from David Yurman and such, but then I can't bring myself to spend the money. And then I realize at the end of the day I really like unique and vintage type jewelry. Because at the end of the day, I'm kind of a little hippy.
3. In elementary school, I went to a total hippy school. We couldn't have food with sugar in our packed lunches, no soda (except Hansen's!) and we had our own garden and compost pile. I have vivid memories of not wearing shoes in the spring months and we often swam in a creek during "recess". I am not joking. It was freaking awesome. (you should know that my parents? Not flower children at all. Which is why this is so hilarious) (my dad would smuggle me Red Vines and contraband on occasion. Also? The kids loved when he would drive on field trips. That's right, no school buses either)
4. My grandmother's engagement/wedding ring was a moonstone ring. Because of that, it has become kind of like our family stone (moonstone and larimar. Can you tell we're beach people?). I seriously want a moonstone ring. But, whenever I Google or even look on Etsy for 'moonstone ring' I get 50 million results for "Bella's Moonstone Ring" "Twilight Inspired Jewelry" "Twilight Ring". And then I want to smack some people because I'll look like some teeny bopper TwiHard with my stupid moonstone ring. My grandmother had it first!! I.hate.Twighlight.
5. I bought hot pink nail polish today (since I'm too cheap and lazy to pay for a manicure). I'll be rockin' some summertime hued nails tomorrow. Sweet. (if only I could paint my little toesies!)
6. I spent a good 45 minutes (unsuccessfully) looking for some pictures last night, and as I stomped all over our house, Ella Mae was dutifully following me around. I imagine it was something like this "What is you looking for mom? Iz help you find it. Here. Let me sniff.". She is a hound dog after all. It was the cutest thing. Butch just stared at us angrily. He's a grumpy old man. If my life was The Fox and The Hound, Ella would obviously be Copper and Butch would be Chief.
7. Fully aware that my pets are not actually real human children. Doesn't mean I don't treat them like they are.
8. I'm so freaking excited about my new firepit. I've wanted one since we moved into our house two years ago. We also finally have up some fun twinkle-y lights on our patio. I fully intend to park myself on the patio with a bag of marshmallows this weekend. S'mores! (ha, it's like camping, Jenny!)
9. When I was 18, I was super duper rebellious. Not in the "I stayed out past curfew and got pulled over" type thing. Nope, I was always home when I said I'd be (or over at Cara or Allison's house), always at work or school on time. I was a very well behaved rebel. If that makes sense. To that end, the day I turned 18 I got a tattoo. Because what says 'adult' better than permanent ink? To compound that, 6 months later, I got another (and it's a whole mess bigger than I wanted it to be!). My dad finding out was not fun. Years later, yeah, I have regrets, but I don't want to go through the money or time to have them removed. After all, if two tattoos that are covered 99.9999999999% of the time is the worst I did as a teenager, I'd say it's all OK.
10. I'm totally making pina colada pancakes this weekend. I've made peace with the fact that I will never again be skinny (that's a total lie, I haven't made peace at all. I just really like pina colada pancakes) (am considering burning off all my taste buds so I don't taste anything and thus won't want to eat. Am doing this after the pancakes. Also? I think this would be a genius way to lose weight. Why has no one thought of this? I don't want to eat if I can't taste!).
11. I wish I was a superhero because then I could fly and or telaport. I'd totally teleport to a beach right now. I thought it was Friday. It is not. I am not thrilled.
12. At least Bones, Community and The Office are on tonight. The only way Thursday is liveable. (until June 3rd of course--Burn Notice!!!)
13. I'm so over working. Why I am not a lady of leisure I will never know. I love my job and all (no, really, I do!), but, man, do you realize how clean my house would be if I could at least work from home? I might actually have time for a real manicure! Or a haircut from somewhere other than SuperCuts. Oh the joy.....
14. My soul sister is heading to Lake Tahoe next week for our family's annual trip. I'm not going (I'm also technically not part of their family for real, but, they've accepted me as their own. Which is good. Since Paula Deen hasn't adopted me yet and Meryl Streep isn't returning my calls). I looooove Lake Tahoe. Mainly? I love staying up way too late watching movies with the girls. Although this year I'm pretty sure my nieces would be staying up late with us since they're freaking high schoolers now--and I just can't accept that. (they're 7 and 9. I don't care what they say)
15. I need a tan. I usually get tan by running. Since we're training at night, my 2-3 hours of sun every Saturday is gone. I despise laying out (too hot). I'm slightly bummed about this. I am not bummed about sleeping in on Saturdays. (is it really sleeping in if you don't get to bed until 5AM? Because I see a lot of that in my future).
That's all I've got for today, folks! If you stuck around, you deserve a prize. Sadly, I don't have any. But, this is my sprinkling good juju and fairy sparkles your way ::happy thoughts::
Happy Thursday y'all! Let's make it to the weekend!
1. I have a new obsession with the name Ellie Kate because it would be the perfect name for my future daughter to honor my two grandmothers. Of course, I already know an Ellie Kate, my dog's name is Ella, and my name sounds an awful lot like 'Ellie'. Oh, and, I'm like 50 billion lightyears away from being pregnant. But, whatevs. Is it just a generally female thing to be obsessed with the names of our future offspring?
2. I want to own really fancy pieces of jewelry from David Yurman and such, but then I can't bring myself to spend the money. And then I realize at the end of the day I really like unique and vintage type jewelry. Because at the end of the day, I'm kind of a little hippy.
3. In elementary school, I went to a total hippy school. We couldn't have food with sugar in our packed lunches, no soda (except Hansen's!) and we had our own garden and compost pile. I have vivid memories of not wearing shoes in the spring months and we often swam in a creek during "recess". I am not joking. It was freaking awesome. (you should know that my parents? Not flower children at all. Which is why this is so hilarious) (my dad would smuggle me Red Vines and contraband on occasion. Also? The kids loved when he would drive on field trips. That's right, no school buses either)
4. My grandmother's engagement/wedding ring was a moonstone ring. Because of that, it has become kind of like our family stone (moonstone and larimar. Can you tell we're beach people?). I seriously want a moonstone ring. But, whenever I Google or even look on Etsy for 'moonstone ring' I get 50 million results for "Bella's Moonstone Ring" "Twilight Inspired Jewelry" "Twilight Ring". And then I want to smack some people because I'll look like some teeny bopper TwiHard with my stupid moonstone ring. My grandmother had it first!! I.hate.Twighlight.
5. I bought hot pink nail polish today (since I'm too cheap and lazy to pay for a manicure). I'll be rockin' some summertime hued nails tomorrow. Sweet. (if only I could paint my little toesies!)
6. I spent a good 45 minutes (unsuccessfully) looking for some pictures last night, and as I stomped all over our house, Ella Mae was dutifully following me around. I imagine it was something like this "What is you looking for mom? Iz help you find it. Here. Let me sniff.". She is a hound dog after all. It was the cutest thing. Butch just stared at us angrily. He's a grumpy old man. If my life was The Fox and The Hound, Ella would obviously be Copper and Butch would be Chief.
7. Fully aware that my pets are not actually real human children. Doesn't mean I don't treat them like they are.
8. I'm so freaking excited about my new firepit. I've wanted one since we moved into our house two years ago. We also finally have up some fun twinkle-y lights on our patio. I fully intend to park myself on the patio with a bag of marshmallows this weekend. S'mores! (ha, it's like camping, Jenny!)
9. When I was 18, I was super duper rebellious. Not in the "I stayed out past curfew and got pulled over" type thing. Nope, I was always home when I said I'd be (or over at Cara or Allison's house), always at work or school on time. I was a very well behaved rebel. If that makes sense. To that end, the day I turned 18 I got a tattoo. Because what says 'adult' better than permanent ink? To compound that, 6 months later, I got another (and it's a whole mess bigger than I wanted it to be!). My dad finding out was not fun. Years later, yeah, I have regrets, but I don't want to go through the money or time to have them removed. After all, if two tattoos that are covered 99.9999999999% of the time is the worst I did as a teenager, I'd say it's all OK.
10. I'm totally making pina colada pancakes this weekend. I've made peace with the fact that I will never again be skinny (that's a total lie, I haven't made peace at all. I just really like pina colada pancakes) (am considering burning off all my taste buds so I don't taste anything and thus won't want to eat. Am doing this after the pancakes. Also? I think this would be a genius way to lose weight. Why has no one thought of this? I don't want to eat if I can't taste!).
11. I wish I was a superhero because then I could fly and or telaport. I'd totally teleport to a beach right now. I thought it was Friday. It is not. I am not thrilled.
12. At least Bones, Community and The Office are on tonight. The only way Thursday is liveable. (until June 3rd of course--Burn Notice!!!)
13. I'm so over working. Why I am not a lady of leisure I will never know. I love my job and all (no, really, I do!), but, man, do you realize how clean my house would be if I could at least work from home? I might actually have time for a real manicure! Or a haircut from somewhere other than SuperCuts. Oh the joy.....
14. My soul sister is heading to Lake Tahoe next week for our family's annual trip. I'm not going (I'm also technically not part of their family for real, but, they've accepted me as their own. Which is good. Since Paula Deen hasn't adopted me yet and Meryl Streep isn't returning my calls). I looooove Lake Tahoe. Mainly? I love staying up way too late watching movies with the girls. Although this year I'm pretty sure my nieces would be staying up late with us since they're freaking high schoolers now--and I just can't accept that. (they're 7 and 9. I don't care what they say)
15. I need a tan. I usually get tan by running. Since we're training at night, my 2-3 hours of sun every Saturday is gone. I despise laying out (too hot). I'm slightly bummed about this. I am not bummed about sleeping in on Saturdays. (is it really sleeping in if you don't get to bed until 5AM? Because I see a lot of that in my future).
That's all I've got for today, folks! If you stuck around, you deserve a prize. Sadly, I don't have any. But, this is my sprinkling good juju and fairy sparkles your way ::happy thoughts::
Happy Thursday y'all! Let's make it to the weekend!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Signs of Summer
(besides the freaking heat and humidity that we've been hit with, holy hell. I want to die. Or move to Colorado. Something)
A few weeks ago, my Ella Mae was running around outside past her bedtime and because I am 500 years old and get up at 5AM on Saturday, that little beagle needed to get her booty in the house. Now. I go outside to see what's distracted her, and wouldn't you know it, like any sweet Southern gal, she's out there chasing fireflies! It was the cutest thing. I about died. I let her play for a few more minutes. Because I'm a good puppy mom like that.
And then, just like that, it's summer (I know it's "technically" not, but, I don't care, shut up).
It's summer when the music in my car has switched from my standard repeat of George, Pat and Dwight (judge away, I don't care) to George, Pat, Kenny, Jimmy, Bob and The Eagles (random, right?).
It's summer when I open the sunroof on the drive home.
When I buy a new perfume that reminds me of the islands (Escada Ocean Lounge in case you're wondering).
When my husband requests a coconut cake for his birthday (I knew I married this man for a reason).
When I pull out the old Sugar Mill cookbook and send Rum French Toast recipes to friends.
When I come home and Rach is pink from sitting in the sun all afternoon.
When thoughts of the islands fill my mind every waking second.
When the smell of Coppertone is heaven.
When I remember the days long ago of endless waves on silky white sand and laughing the day away with my mom. When I remember breakfast at Long Bay Beach Club and dinners at Pusser's. When melted ice cream (because the freezer never worked) and grilled pizza (because the power never stayed on) makes me laugh and cry at the same time.
When all I can think about is my mom. And the places we went.
And the places we wanted to go.
When my BFF just returned from another fabulous vacation and I stare at her all starry eyed, knowing 100% that she was put in my path for a reason--and that my mom had a role in it.
When things slow down, the temperature goes up and it's like I'm 17 again.
Like I was back in the Islands. Getting sunburned, heat rash, mosquito bites and all.
Someday. Someday I'll go back.
Until then, I'll rock out to Kenny, I'll make pina colada pancakes (they're better than they sound) and lay by the pool.
After all, isn't that what summer is all about?
A few weeks ago, my Ella Mae was running around outside past her bedtime and because I am 500 years old and get up at 5AM on Saturday, that little beagle needed to get her booty in the house. Now. I go outside to see what's distracted her, and wouldn't you know it, like any sweet Southern gal, she's out there chasing fireflies! It was the cutest thing. I about died. I let her play for a few more minutes. Because I'm a good puppy mom like that.
And then, just like that, it's summer (I know it's "technically" not, but, I don't care, shut up).
It's summer when the music in my car has switched from my standard repeat of George, Pat and Dwight (judge away, I don't care) to George, Pat, Kenny, Jimmy, Bob and The Eagles (random, right?).
It's summer when I open the sunroof on the drive home.
When I buy a new perfume that reminds me of the islands (Escada Ocean Lounge in case you're wondering).
When my husband requests a coconut cake for his birthday (I knew I married this man for a reason).
When I pull out the old Sugar Mill cookbook and send Rum French Toast recipes to friends.
When I come home and Rach is pink from sitting in the sun all afternoon.
When thoughts of the islands fill my mind every waking second.
When the smell of Coppertone is heaven.
When I remember the days long ago of endless waves on silky white sand and laughing the day away with my mom. When I remember breakfast at Long Bay Beach Club and dinners at Pusser's. When melted ice cream (because the freezer never worked) and grilled pizza (because the power never stayed on) makes me laugh and cry at the same time.
When all I can think about is my mom. And the places we went.
And the places we wanted to go.
When my BFF just returned from another fabulous vacation and I stare at her all starry eyed, knowing 100% that she was put in my path for a reason--and that my mom had a role in it.
When things slow down, the temperature goes up and it's like I'm 17 again.
Like I was back in the Islands. Getting sunburned, heat rash, mosquito bites and all.
Someday. Someday I'll go back.
Until then, I'll rock out to Kenny, I'll make pina colada pancakes (they're better than they sound) and lay by the pool.
After all, isn't that what summer is all about?
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Back at it (sort of)
So, last week in desperate efforts to get back to running, I sent out an email to my running folks and asked if anyone wanted to do a 6AM Lake Loop. (I usually have problems getting a group together at 6 when we aren't actually "training") I run at 6 because I am slow and it's hot, and why the heck would I want to sleep in that extra hour and get used to it? This only backfires during the 20 miler weeks! Anyways! I finally got a response and was thrilled because it was from one of my favorite running buddies and I knew I couldn't leave him hanging by not showing up.
Our one-on-one run quickly became a small group of our usual pack and it was so much fun to be out with my friends again. Of course I struggled for every single one of those 9 miles (I woke up in some fantasy land where I was going to try for double digits--I'm obviously deranged). It was hot. Summer hit us like a freight train and the damn humidity. I haven't gotten used to this yet, so, that was an added struggle (sure, record snow and freezing temperatures, and then we go straight to 90 degrees....), but, I did it.
Usuaully, you know me, I get all bitchy and upset at myself if I don't hit a certain number of miles or a certain pace or whatever, but, would you believe that I was just happy? I was so proud of myself for getting up, getting out there and pushing through the damn heat and humidity. Sure, 10 miles would have been better, but, I ran the best 9 miles I could on that day under those circumstances (it's like I'm a grown up or something).
Best part of the day? One of my regular running buddies is running an October marathon (like me!) and once I'm finished with the hell that is El Scorcho training, she and I are going to power through end end of July and August together--there's nothing worse than having to get in 10 extra miles after your group finishes. I was dreading having to train through the summer months by myself. I detest long runs alone. I detest them even more when it's 500 degress out. Thank goodness we'll be able to stick it out together! And? She's a little quicker than me, so, I'll have to step it up!
So sure, I'm not quite back up to my crazy running standards, but, we're getting there. I mean hell, I willingly paid money (a large amount, I might add) to run a 50k that starts at midnight. When did I become this person? (I kinda like her. She's kinda hardcore. Even if she does wear pink on her runs and sports a headband that says 'In My Dreams I am a Kenyan'. And then hopes she doesn't offend anyone)
Our one-on-one run quickly became a small group of our usual pack and it was so much fun to be out with my friends again. Of course I struggled for every single one of those 9 miles (I woke up in some fantasy land where I was going to try for double digits--I'm obviously deranged). It was hot. Summer hit us like a freight train and the damn humidity. I haven't gotten used to this yet, so, that was an added struggle (sure, record snow and freezing temperatures, and then we go straight to 90 degrees....), but, I did it.
Usuaully, you know me, I get all bitchy and upset at myself if I don't hit a certain number of miles or a certain pace or whatever, but, would you believe that I was just happy? I was so proud of myself for getting up, getting out there and pushing through the damn heat and humidity. Sure, 10 miles would have been better, but, I ran the best 9 miles I could on that day under those circumstances (it's like I'm a grown up or something).
Best part of the day? One of my regular running buddies is running an October marathon (like me!) and once I'm finished with the hell that is El Scorcho training, she and I are going to power through end end of July and August together--there's nothing worse than having to get in 10 extra miles after your group finishes. I was dreading having to train through the summer months by myself. I detest long runs alone. I detest them even more when it's 500 degress out. Thank goodness we'll be able to stick it out together! And? She's a little quicker than me, so, I'll have to step it up!
So sure, I'm not quite back up to my crazy running standards, but, we're getting there. I mean hell, I willingly paid money (a large amount, I might add) to run a 50k that starts at midnight. When did I become this person? (I kinda like her. She's kinda hardcore. Even if she does wear pink on her runs and sports a headband that says 'In My Dreams I am a Kenyan'. And then hopes she doesn't offend anyone)
Monday, May 17, 2010
This is obviously payback
So, remember how in December I decided to get all Suzy Homemaker on you and I got all super involved in my HOA for like a day? Yeah. So, while it was a good experience and let me finally meet some of my neighbors, I have missed the monthly meetings because I have very few nights free and to be honest, I haven't been able to make it to any of the them, save for one meeting, and I was too tired to even think about going to a women's club meeting. Also, sidenote, the invitations go out on Sunday for Tuesday night events--um, yeah.
Anyways. Last week was the annual spring meeting or whatever. Again, I didn't go (awesome HOA member, right?).
But, because the ladies are so nice, they sent out a meeting recap to everyone on the email list. So, I felt like I was there. That was good.
Then I keep reading and see it: someone had the genius idea to nominate me and my husband for "block captain" (each street in our neighborhood has a captain or whatever). Um, are you joking? I about died laughing.
I think it's a default nomination, since I'm pretty sure we're the only people on our street in the HOA. And definitely the only people on our street that the HOA members at least know.
I still haven't received my official request (as I assume it will involve a notarized letter, balloons, flowers and chocolates delivered to my door, of course), but, I'm seriously wondering if this is a weird joke, or, if they really do want me in charge of my street.....? Because um, if so, I have some grand ideas (mostly involve people and their obtrusive security light that shines into my bedroom, but, that's just one thought).
But, seriously, is this some sort of payback for not attending meetings? Will my old neighbors really take my seriously? And will I get a super cool "neighborhood crime patrol" decal to put on my car (like the retired folks in my neighborhood who cruise the streets 24/7--they live for that damn decal!)? Or a stun gun? Because if you want me to keep the neighborhood safe, I'm gonna need some weapons.
Anyways. Last week was the annual spring meeting or whatever. Again, I didn't go (awesome HOA member, right?).
But, because the ladies are so nice, they sent out a meeting recap to everyone on the email list. So, I felt like I was there. That was good.
Then I keep reading and see it: someone had the genius idea to nominate me and my husband for "block captain" (each street in our neighborhood has a captain or whatever). Um, are you joking? I about died laughing.
I think it's a default nomination, since I'm pretty sure we're the only people on our street in the HOA. And definitely the only people on our street that the HOA members at least know.
I still haven't received my official request (as I assume it will involve a notarized letter, balloons, flowers and chocolates delivered to my door, of course), but, I'm seriously wondering if this is a weird joke, or, if they really do want me in charge of my street.....? Because um, if so, I have some grand ideas (mostly involve people and their obtrusive security light that shines into my bedroom, but, that's just one thought).
But, seriously, is this some sort of payback for not attending meetings? Will my old neighbors really take my seriously? And will I get a super cool "neighborhood crime patrol" decal to put on my car (like the retired folks in my neighborhood who cruise the streets 24/7--they live for that damn decal!)? Or a stun gun? Because if you want me to keep the neighborhood safe, I'm gonna need some weapons.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
An Open Letter to the Creators of LOST
Y'all suck.
There. I'm just going to say it.
You sucked me in and now that I've put serious years of my life into your damn show (also, this show of yours? Probably the reason for the wrinkles and lack of sleep--it stresses me out), I can't look away.
I'm in denial of the fact that there are only ya know, two episodes left. At least you're giving me a 2.5 hours series finale. But, honestly, honestly? You can't answer all my questions in the measly 3.5 hours you have left. And believe me, I still have a lot of questions.
I'm sure that's the point and all--to just leave us hanging. Not cool. Not cool, JJ Abrams, not cool.
But, who am I kidding? I'll be all sorts of glued to my TV ready and waiting and shushing the dogs and turning off my phone during the few hours I have left on the island. Because I cannot.miss.one.single.second.
Seriously. Y'all? At the end of the day, no matter how much this damn show frustrates and annoys me--y'all are geniuses. Cause really? Who would have ever though about that concept? And you've managed to keep me sucked in for all these years. A feat your ABC siblings Grey's and Desperate Housewives couldn't pull off.
Congratulations, Lost. You win.
There. I'm just going to say it.
You sucked me in and now that I've put serious years of my life into your damn show (also, this show of yours? Probably the reason for the wrinkles and lack of sleep--it stresses me out), I can't look away.
I'm in denial of the fact that there are only ya know, two episodes left. At least you're giving me a 2.5 hours series finale. But, honestly, honestly? You can't answer all my questions in the measly 3.5 hours you have left. And believe me, I still have a lot of questions.
I'm sure that's the point and all--to just leave us hanging. Not cool. Not cool, JJ Abrams, not cool.
But, who am I kidding? I'll be all sorts of glued to my TV ready and waiting and shushing the dogs and turning off my phone during the few hours I have left on the island. Because I cannot.miss.one.single.second.
Seriously. Y'all? At the end of the day, no matter how much this damn show frustrates and annoys me--y'all are geniuses. Cause really? Who would have ever though about that concept? And you've managed to keep me sucked in for all these years. A feat your ABC siblings Grey's and Desperate Housewives couldn't pull off.
Congratulations, Lost. You win.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
The bueno/no bueno game
So, I finally got my crap together and went to the gym for a run (first off, I really wanted to run outside and hit up my little trail, but by jeezus, it's already getting hot and humid here--in Texas we go straight from winter to summer--none of that springtime nonsense).
Bueno: Listening to my awesome 'Marathon Mix' on my iPod (it is really awesome by the way--like I wasn't even counting down the minutes like I usually do when I'm listening to my iPod)
No bueno: Having a freaking asthma attack a 1/2 mile in. Haven't had one of those in like a year. (well, technically that's a lie--I started to have some asthma symptoms around mile 22 of OKC. That was fun)
Bueno: Rocking out 3.5 miles (shut up. I have to start slow. It's been almost three weeks. Bite me).
No bueno: The fact that my legs/butt/hips/knees are killing me. I think my body forgot how to run. Holy jeez.
Bueno: A cupcake at home.
No bueno: The fact that I live in some delusional world where I think I can only eat a half a cupcake. I can't. I eat the whole thing (and then some other stuff, but, let's leave that out, mm'k?)
Bueno: The fact that I ran. Hello. (I found myself a very intense little training plan for Lewis & Clark and am psyched to get started. Which I do. Tomorrow. Eeek!)
No bueno: Um. El Scorcho. It's getting closer. Why am I insane? (but I'm secretly really excited)
Bueno: Burn Notice. June 3rd. Not that I'm like counting down or anything. (GlamNewlywed, there's a MiCo right around the corner from mi casa. Just sayin': MiCo+Burn Notice=perfection, yes?)
What things are bueno in your lives??
Bueno: Listening to my awesome 'Marathon Mix' on my iPod (it is really awesome by the way--like I wasn't even counting down the minutes like I usually do when I'm listening to my iPod)
No bueno: Having a freaking asthma attack a 1/2 mile in. Haven't had one of those in like a year. (well, technically that's a lie--I started to have some asthma symptoms around mile 22 of OKC. That was fun)
Bueno: Rocking out 3.5 miles (shut up. I have to start slow. It's been almost three weeks. Bite me).
No bueno: The fact that my legs/butt/hips/knees are killing me. I think my body forgot how to run. Holy jeez.
Bueno: A cupcake at home.
No bueno: The fact that I live in some delusional world where I think I can only eat a half a cupcake. I can't. I eat the whole thing (and then some other stuff, but, let's leave that out, mm'k?)
Bueno: The fact that I ran. Hello. (I found myself a very intense little training plan for Lewis & Clark and am psyched to get started. Which I do. Tomorrow. Eeek!)
No bueno: Um. El Scorcho. It's getting closer. Why am I insane? (but I'm secretly really excited)
Bueno: Burn Notice. June 3rd. Not that I'm like counting down or anything. (GlamNewlywed, there's a MiCo right around the corner from mi casa. Just sayin': MiCo+Burn Notice=perfection, yes?)
What things are bueno in your lives??
Monday, May 10, 2010
In other news....and things I did/didn't do over the weekend
Did:
Ate my weight in chips and salsa (I really just need to not buy chips. Problem solved).
Ate my weight in blueberry banana muffins.
Continued my eating spree with chocolate cupcakes.
Oh, and more chips. Because they are the after dinner and after dessert snack of choice. (because one needs a snack. AFTER DESSERT!)
Got my sissy home! (yay!!!!!)
Did I mention eating?
Watched entirely too much TV. Mostly because it was E! and Lifetime Movie Network. Both of which are awesome in their own rite.
Oh, and then I watched Community again with the sis because they don't get NBC at home. Which is a crime.
Didn't do:
Run.
Go to the gym.
Run.
Anything remotely healthy or smart.
I'm obviouslyy a genius.
In other news, someone recently suggested I might have a soy allergy. Which, OK, that's just one person's opinion, but, hell, at this point, I'm willing to accept anything to explain why I am sick like 20/5/365 (you read that correctly) and why I feel so damn exhausted these days. Recent revelation? My daily protein shakes? Contain soy. Hmph.
We'll see. I have an appointment on Friday with my doc. Who will hopefully say "Well my dear, we've found the problem! Take this little pill and you will lose all that excess weight, be happy again and not be plagued by mystery illnesses any longer. Huzzah!". Not that I've thought this over in my head or anything.
He better give me somethin' good though, that's all I'm sayin'.
Ate my weight in chips and salsa (I really just need to not buy chips. Problem solved).
Ate my weight in blueberry banana muffins.
Continued my eating spree with chocolate cupcakes.
Oh, and more chips. Because they are the after dinner and after dessert snack of choice. (because one needs a snack. AFTER DESSERT!)
Got my sissy home! (yay!!!!!)
Did I mention eating?
Watched entirely too much TV. Mostly because it was E! and Lifetime Movie Network. Both of which are awesome in their own rite.
Oh, and then I watched Community again with the sis because they don't get NBC at home. Which is a crime.
Didn't do:
Run.
Go to the gym.
Run.
Anything remotely healthy or smart.
I'm obviouslyy a genius.
In other news, someone recently suggested I might have a soy allergy. Which, OK, that's just one person's opinion, but, hell, at this point, I'm willing to accept anything to explain why I am sick like 20/5/365 (you read that correctly) and why I feel so damn exhausted these days. Recent revelation? My daily protein shakes? Contain soy. Hmph.
We'll see. I have an appointment on Friday with my doc. Who will hopefully say "Well my dear, we've found the problem! Take this little pill and you will lose all that excess weight, be happy again and not be plagued by mystery illnesses any longer. Huzzah!". Not that I've thought this over in my head or anything.
He better give me somethin' good though, that's all I'm sayin'.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
And then I had a fortune cookie
Is it just me, or have fortune cookies gone downhill? They're more like "here's a faux ancient Chinese proverb" cookie. Because I haven't gotten one that is telling me anything about my future or fortune or anything like that in years.
Unless you count the one today that says (and I quote): "Bees with honey in their mouths have stinger in their tail". Um....? I mean, I guess I get the point and all, but, um...? Thank you Mr. Fortune Cookie Fortune Decider Man for thinking that one up.
It made me laugh.
Not as hard as the flip side of the "fortune" that said (in all caps) BANANA.
I will now just randomly spout off with "banana!" for no reason at all. Other than it's my fortune, duh. (anyone know what ancient Chinese code for 'banana' means??).
I'm still laughing about it.
I am not laughing about the fact that I ate enough Chinese food at lunch to ya know, feed China and all. But, maybe this means I'll skip dinner? (not likely)
Banana!
Sidenote: I want to thank each and every single one of you for your overly kind and meaningful comments/e-mails regarding my last post. I won't lie, the last few days have been really hard, but, it's almost like admitting it was the first step.
I still haven't gone for a run or hit the gym (10 days, not that I'm counting) which is the longest stretch of lazy that I've had in over probably 2 years. Probably doesn't help that I am not sleeping at all (Target brand Advil PM? Not the same! I was still awake and still in pain 5 hours after taking 2 of those bad boys!) thus making it impossible to run in the morning and the whole It's 90 degrees Out And Windy ruins the whole "quick jaunt around the neighborhood after dinner" thing. But, I'm kind of OK with it. I love running, and I don't want to hate it. I don't want to associate it with heat and being exhausted and miserable. I want to run for me. So, if that means I don't take a step until next week, I guess that's OK (can you tell I'm totally trying to convince myself of this?).
There's a gorgeous trail near my house that has honeysuckle and flowers blooming right now. I ran there all last spring and haven't been on it since the weather changed. I'm thinking that I need to get back to it--back to the path that taught me how to be a runner. Back to the trail where I ran my first 10 miler. Back to running for me. And then maybe the weight will come off. Maybe I'll feel at peace with me.
But, either way, I've got another race to train for. And after a lot of thought, I'm going to fork over the bagillion dollars and run an all night ultra. Holy jeezus. Why? I'm not really sure other than the fact that the training (read: Friday night long runs) means I get to sleep in on Saturday. Even if we are running until 5AM (I just gagged a little). And? Because this is the best way to make a solid group of friends that are, like me, insane. And it gives me a few extra weeks to recoup since they don't start till Memorial Day weekend. (and I needed something to do in July. I honestly don't have a single race on my calendar until November's DRC Half and it's killin' me!)
Also, my husband got a follow up e-mail for the job interview he had last week (if you follow me on Twitter you know he finally got an interview), but, as much as we hope he gets the job, we almost hope he doesn't, because he'll literally be gone 14 hours out of the day, commuting 3-3.5 hours each day and the pay isn't even in the realm of "good". But, it's a job, right? Who knows.....
Anyways, thank y'all for the kindness. I can't tell you how much it means.
Banana!
Unless you count the one today that says (and I quote): "Bees with honey in their mouths have stinger in their tail". Um....? I mean, I guess I get the point and all, but, um...? Thank you Mr. Fortune Cookie Fortune Decider Man for thinking that one up.
It made me laugh.
Not as hard as the flip side of the "fortune" that said (in all caps) BANANA.
I will now just randomly spout off with "banana!" for no reason at all. Other than it's my fortune, duh. (anyone know what ancient Chinese code for 'banana' means??).
I'm still laughing about it.
I am not laughing about the fact that I ate enough Chinese food at lunch to ya know, feed China and all. But, maybe this means I'll skip dinner? (not likely)
Banana!
Sidenote: I want to thank each and every single one of you for your overly kind and meaningful comments/e-mails regarding my last post. I won't lie, the last few days have been really hard, but, it's almost like admitting it was the first step.
I still haven't gone for a run or hit the gym (10 days, not that I'm counting) which is the longest stretch of lazy that I've had in over probably 2 years. Probably doesn't help that I am not sleeping at all (Target brand Advil PM? Not the same! I was still awake and still in pain 5 hours after taking 2 of those bad boys!) thus making it impossible to run in the morning and the whole It's 90 degrees Out And Windy ruins the whole "quick jaunt around the neighborhood after dinner" thing. But, I'm kind of OK with it. I love running, and I don't want to hate it. I don't want to associate it with heat and being exhausted and miserable. I want to run for me. So, if that means I don't take a step until next week, I guess that's OK (can you tell I'm totally trying to convince myself of this?).
There's a gorgeous trail near my house that has honeysuckle and flowers blooming right now. I ran there all last spring and haven't been on it since the weather changed. I'm thinking that I need to get back to it--back to the path that taught me how to be a runner. Back to the trail where I ran my first 10 miler. Back to running for me. And then maybe the weight will come off. Maybe I'll feel at peace with me.
But, either way, I've got another race to train for. And after a lot of thought, I'm going to fork over the bagillion dollars and run an all night ultra. Holy jeezus. Why? I'm not really sure other than the fact that the training (read: Friday night long runs) means I get to sleep in on Saturday. Even if we are running until 5AM (I just gagged a little). And? Because this is the best way to make a solid group of friends that are, like me, insane. And it gives me a few extra weeks to recoup since they don't start till Memorial Day weekend. (and I needed something to do in July. I honestly don't have a single race on my calendar until November's DRC Half and it's killin' me!)
Also, my husband got a follow up e-mail for the job interview he had last week (if you follow me on Twitter you know he finally got an interview), but, as much as we hope he gets the job, we almost hope he doesn't, because he'll literally be gone 14 hours out of the day, commuting 3-3.5 hours each day and the pay isn't even in the realm of "good". But, it's a job, right? Who knows.....
Anyways, thank y'all for the kindness. I can't tell you how much it means.
Banana!
Monday, May 3, 2010
To Tell The Truth
Sorry y'all, but this peppy redhead has been missing the pep in her step lately and feels like gettin' it all off her chest might just help. You'll hang with her through this, right? (promise to be back to my ol' dumbass self--soon)
Y'all are my ever trusted and most favorite interweb friends, so, I can be honest with you. Truth be told, I haven't been totally honest. I mean, I have, it's not like I was tellin' lies, but, I'm sure at the same time, I haven't just laid it all out there. So, here goes.
I'm depressed.
Yep. There. I said it.
I've battled depression since I was a teenager. Sadly, this directly coincides with body image issues. Had those since I was a teenager as well. Ironically enough, pre High School, I felt great about myself and was an kick ass gymnast and later won regional championships for vaulting. Oh how I miss horses..... Anyways, I was strong, powerful and could do something very few people could do. After all, can you stand on one leg atop a moving horse? Didn't think so.
Anyways, HS tore me up and then when I got to college, it got worse. I went to one of the most beautiful schools where every single girl (it seemed) was a size 00, tall, blonde and gorgeous. I am 5ft, not a size 00 and not beach blonde. I hated myself.
Sure, I was co-captain of our crew team and we did great (won our first race--whoot!), and could lift weights with the boys (yes, we had our weight workouts with the football players--hilarious memories to this day). But I was miserable. I wasn't your standard waif like coxswain. Nope. I always teetered on the line of "needs to lose weight". That sucked.
My roommates could eat pizza all night and not gain a single ounce. If I looked at a piece of pizza, I'd go up a size.
After my mom died, I went through a very dangerous phase of well, not eating anything. My sister had to be flown out to Texas and force feed me. Literally. I remember being in tears at the mall because she bought me a cookie and I refused to eat it. I had lost 15 pounds in 3 months. I felt fantastic (even if I was so tired I could barely stay awake past 8PM). I was in control. I was a size 00 for the first time since 8th grade. I looked good in a two piece.
I moved home for the summer and kept it up, only gaining about 2-3 pounds back. After all, I worked hard to look like this and I was not going to give it up.
Well, eventually, I gave up and had gained back most of the weight by the time I got married a year later. But, I looked better--I was toned and happy. Happy! I had a blast running around Hawaii in a two piece and sporting short shorts.
Somewhere along the line, I lost that. I don't know why my happiness is tied to the way I look, but, it is.
Last year, I went on Weight Watchers and lost the weight--never getting back to my college days skinny, but, getting to a weight that was normal for my height and build and a weight where surprise, I could eat, but not be unhappy.
Last summer, things were good. I was skinny, I was training for a marathon, my husband was done with school and he was training for a Century Bike Ride. We were endurance athlete all stars.
Then, as the months ticked by, the weight crept up and the depression came back. I got sick. A lot. I was stressed. I was unhappy.
I still am.
My husband still doesn't have a job. He's been out of school for a year. It's been really hard on him. He wants to work. He wants to provide for us (I on the other hand am quite happy to be at home). But, he can't. This has not helped the depression.
Don't get me wrong, I love my job, I'm very fortunate, but, at the end of the day, I don't feel like this is what I'm totally meant to do forever.
So, right now, I'm stuck.
I'm stuck in a land where I'm 20 pounds heavier than I was last year. Stuck in a place where I work so that we can survive. Stuck in a place where I try to be strong for my family because at the end of the day--it's freaking hard to be unemployed. Stuck in a place where I just hold my breath and pray for the best. Pray that tomorrow there will be a job. Pray that tomorrow I can get up and run the weight off. Pray that tomorrow will be better than today.
And then I wait some more.
I've used running as my shield. My "only". The definition of who I am for hopes that I could run off the weight, run off the depression and if I could just crack my marathon time goal, everything would be OK. I'd be happy again and then I could solve everything.
Well, shocker, that didn't happen. Or work.
And I don't know what will.
Thank you for sticking with me through all this. And especially through this terribly horrible post that I've just written.
I'm so grateful to all my blog friends who never cease to amaze and inspire me. I'm so grateful for you friendships and hope you know that. So, thank you.
I just thought that by sharing the honest to goodness truth, someone might be able to related. Or maybe I'll just feel better.
We'll see.
(GlamNewlywed, I'll be at home watching Burn Notice on repeat if you'd like to join me--because Michael Weston makes it all better)
Y'all are my ever trusted and most favorite interweb friends, so, I can be honest with you. Truth be told, I haven't been totally honest. I mean, I have, it's not like I was tellin' lies, but, I'm sure at the same time, I haven't just laid it all out there. So, here goes.
I'm depressed.
Yep. There. I said it.
I've battled depression since I was a teenager. Sadly, this directly coincides with body image issues. Had those since I was a teenager as well. Ironically enough, pre High School, I felt great about myself and was an kick ass gymnast and later won regional championships for vaulting. Oh how I miss horses..... Anyways, I was strong, powerful and could do something very few people could do. After all, can you stand on one leg atop a moving horse? Didn't think so.
Anyways, HS tore me up and then when I got to college, it got worse. I went to one of the most beautiful schools where every single girl (it seemed) was a size 00, tall, blonde and gorgeous. I am 5ft, not a size 00 and not beach blonde. I hated myself.
Sure, I was co-captain of our crew team and we did great (won our first race--whoot!), and could lift weights with the boys (yes, we had our weight workouts with the football players--hilarious memories to this day). But I was miserable. I wasn't your standard waif like coxswain. Nope. I always teetered on the line of "needs to lose weight". That sucked.
My roommates could eat pizza all night and not gain a single ounce. If I looked at a piece of pizza, I'd go up a size.
After my mom died, I went through a very dangerous phase of well, not eating anything. My sister had to be flown out to Texas and force feed me. Literally. I remember being in tears at the mall because she bought me a cookie and I refused to eat it. I had lost 15 pounds in 3 months. I felt fantastic (even if I was so tired I could barely stay awake past 8PM). I was in control. I was a size 00 for the first time since 8th grade. I looked good in a two piece.
I moved home for the summer and kept it up, only gaining about 2-3 pounds back. After all, I worked hard to look like this and I was not going to give it up.
Well, eventually, I gave up and had gained back most of the weight by the time I got married a year later. But, I looked better--I was toned and happy. Happy! I had a blast running around Hawaii in a two piece and sporting short shorts.
Somewhere along the line, I lost that. I don't know why my happiness is tied to the way I look, but, it is.
Last year, I went on Weight Watchers and lost the weight--never getting back to my college days skinny, but, getting to a weight that was normal for my height and build and a weight where surprise, I could eat, but not be unhappy.
Last summer, things were good. I was skinny, I was training for a marathon, my husband was done with school and he was training for a Century Bike Ride. We were endurance athlete all stars.
Then, as the months ticked by, the weight crept up and the depression came back. I got sick. A lot. I was stressed. I was unhappy.
I still am.
My husband still doesn't have a job. He's been out of school for a year. It's been really hard on him. He wants to work. He wants to provide for us (I on the other hand am quite happy to be at home). But, he can't. This has not helped the depression.
Don't get me wrong, I love my job, I'm very fortunate, but, at the end of the day, I don't feel like this is what I'm totally meant to do forever.
So, right now, I'm stuck.
I'm stuck in a land where I'm 20 pounds heavier than I was last year. Stuck in a place where I work so that we can survive. Stuck in a place where I try to be strong for my family because at the end of the day--it's freaking hard to be unemployed. Stuck in a place where I just hold my breath and pray for the best. Pray that tomorrow there will be a job. Pray that tomorrow I can get up and run the weight off. Pray that tomorrow will be better than today.
And then I wait some more.
I've used running as my shield. My "only". The definition of who I am for hopes that I could run off the weight, run off the depression and if I could just crack my marathon time goal, everything would be OK. I'd be happy again and then I could solve everything.
Well, shocker, that didn't happen. Or work.
And I don't know what will.
Thank you for sticking with me through all this. And especially through this terribly horrible post that I've just written.
I'm so grateful to all my blog friends who never cease to amaze and inspire me. I'm so grateful for you friendships and hope you know that. So, thank you.
I just thought that by sharing the honest to goodness truth, someone might be able to related. Or maybe I'll just feel better.
We'll see.
(GlamNewlywed, I'll be at home watching Burn Notice on repeat if you'd like to join me--because Michael Weston makes it all better)
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