A Weighty Issue

(PSA: I might ramble. Pretend like that's new information)

I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I'm a short little thing (5 teensy tiny feet of loud), so, five pounds shows a heck of a lot on someone as short as me. And, we all know how easy it is to pack on five pounds. Honestly, just look at a cookie and you gain at least two!

I ALWAYS gain when I'm marathon training. Everything goes out the window because I just run, run, run--which is good, but, it means I also eat. A lot. Because I am hungry. A lot. It's a vicious cycle for me.

After Madrid, I decided to take a break from big running. I've been running a few miles every couple of days, either through my 'hood, doing some hills by the lake, or treadmilling while watching the Tour, but, I'm not getting sucked into my evil game of "must run until I hit X miles".

During Baby Sis EuroStravaganza 2012 I was living my own No Carb Left Behind project. I literally ate every crossiant and scone I could get my grubby hands on. And the hotel in London gives that nonense out for FREE. Bad news bears.

Ironically, I came back from the trip a few pounds lighter (insert bad dollar to pound joke here). Sure I walked a lot, and I ran that marathon or whatever, but, trust me I ate a lot. A lot a lot. As in sister and I were eating legit three course meals all through Barcelona.

Turns out, I was happy and I was eating when I was hungry, not just BECAUSE. And I was eating food I loved versus my low fat graham crackers. It's like that stupid book about French women not getting fat or whatever (which I still think is bull). I wasn't eating at 12:05PM because it was lunch time, I was eating a damn croissant at 3:50PM because I was hungry and a salad nicoise at 11PM because, well, I should probably eat a salad at some point.


I never understood how that worked, and I'm still trying to figure it out. But, I do know that when you're not bogged down in despair, in darkness, in sadness, you can focus on things other than coping techniques (it seems my current coping technique is expensive leather goods, but, that's neither here nor there), and you can really live. You can eat a buttery scone because it doesn't define your happiness. It's just part of it. And that getting up and going for a run, or going to yoga, or sweating at the gym becomes easier because it's not something you "must do" it's something to supplement your life. Or, at least, it has been for me.

I don't have all the answers, trust me I don't, but, I am saying, it's funny how things change. It's funny how you can get a grip on something you've battled for 25+ years in the strangest way possible.

And really, let's be honest, I bought THIS DRESS to go see a friend in an off West End show (sounds weird huh? Not like "Off Broadway"--whatever, the idiot was in the best show on the West End for a year, so, he can be a loser now) and damn it, I better fit into it. Clearly, that's my real motivation ;)

GAWD.

I am so sorry, I'm just writing these horrible mopy posts! Don't worry. Full update on all my ridiculous expensive leather goods to come!