Today we shall stray from our constant dribble of London nonsense and get serious. Or, as serious as this girl can get.
As some of you may know, I recently quit my job. Mostly because I was waiting on Princess Kate to call me back and I
obviously needed to be free if she called, but, also because my job was a major stress in my life and I was constantly out of town, sick, exhausted and bitchy--I wasn't happy and to be honest, I wasn't doing my best work. Super fun.
There was another reason I quit--my doctor didn't think I could get pregnant under the particular conditions of my job (of which I will not bore you) and I knew I couldn't do my job if I was pregnant. Which, of course, I'm not. Just like I wasn't three years ago when my husband was in his final semester of school, or last year when I finally re did the guest bedroom/"someday" room, or the numerous times I've waited to see two pink lines.
And, it's hard. It's hard wanting something so badly and trying your best to do everything right. From medication to supplements, getting poked with needles, revamping my diet, yoga, meditation, prayer. Been there, done that. It breaks my heart. I get jealous. I get mean. I get teary.
This month has been particularly hard for some reason, and that's probably why I've relied to heavily on Mr. Jackman and London. The day to day is hard (unemployed and un knocked up), so, I focus on the bigger picture: London with my dad, Maine with my best friends, DC with my in laws, Disney/Colorado/beach with my bestie, Vegas with the bff and our favorite candle thief--the other things of which I look forward to.
I don't mean to cram that down y'alls throats, but, it's what I have to do otherwise the pain will consume me, and I don't want that. I want to be fun, silly, happy, clumsy SP like always. Not bitter and bitchy.
I think part of the reason this hurts me so is because of my mom.

I had a wonderful relationship with her and that part of my life is gone. Sure, I have my big sister, but, she's a mother herself and has those responsibilities, my mother in law is amazing and I love her to pieces, but, I live half way across the country and I'm not honest to goodness "hers". I want to pass that down to my daughter. Would this be as hard if my mom was alive? Probably not, but, that's not what life handed me. So, I plug on.
I battle the day to day by diving head first into books (currently, The Iliad, a vintage copy of Oedipus from
the BFF and of course, Pride and Prejudice), chick flicks (Bridget Jones, Under The Tuscan Sun, 27 Dresses), musicals (Oklahoma, The Sound of Music, South Pacific), and the occasional action movie (The Losers, The A-Tream). And lean on my friends.
Friends who give me bruises the side of Vermont, letigooooo with me and plan Waxine dates. Friends who send me Princess Kate related texts even when they have way too much going on in their own lives. Friends who quote Les Mis with me. Friends who commiserate with me. I'm lucky to have them.
(this has nothing to do with anything other than further proof that my friends rock--new lamp in my living room)
And, I'll get through this. Somehow. Someday. Until then, I try. And by try, I mean succeed.
Hey, I might not be able to get pregnant, but, I can quote every episode of
Friends and give you a play by play of Greek mythology, so, there's that.
Thanks for hanging with me today. I promise we'll be back to TV/makeup/shopping/Hugh Jackman right quick.
Ok, ok, fine. Gratuitous Hugh picture.
You're welcome.