Damn technology!

Sorry for my absence, and well, the SUPER CHEERY post I left y'all with. Lands. Apologies.

Anyways, I had all these great pictures to show you from London and from my weekend away with my family in the mountains, but, guess whose phone is refusing to download the pictures to the computer? That's right. Damn technology!

So, hopefully soon I shall have some lovely pictures to show you, but, until then, I leave you with this.

Source: quickmeme.com via Shabby on Pinterest

I have honestly been laughing at this for a good three days. Best "hey girl" EVER.

This Girl

Is surviving.
Is alive.
Is fighting.
Is lonely.
Is emotional.
Is wishing she was still in London.

Is going to be ok.
Is going to pull herself up by her bootstraps.
Is headed home for some family cuddles this week.
Is funny.
Is stronger than she believes.
Still has her zest for life.
Believes in love.

Knows that Hugh Jackman really is her true love in life.

Will settle for Colin Firth.Or Patrick Wilson--if she had to.

Is embarking on a mission to find herself and her place in this world.
Will look back on this time and laugh.
Will see the sun rise again.
Will laugh again.
Will sing again.
And will find all that which is good and pure in life because it is out there. Somewhere. Someday. Somehow.

Until then, until my eyes dry, the dust clears and the horizon shows itself I will be stronger than I ever thought I could be and I will cling to that which I know, hope and love.

And eventually this melancholy bullcrap will end. I promise.

And I'll tell you about how my cousin and I shut down a bar in London, ate too much in Cambridge and got lost in Notting Hill because her boyfriend is a big goober and I love him. It. Was. Awesome.

London Calling

Normally, I am Miss Independent and can do damn near anything on my own, but, suddenly, my solo pond hop to London is freaking me out.

One week. One week in the city I love. One week of just me. I've never done this. I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm anxious.

It might be just what the doctor ordered, or, in my dad's words, I may throw myself in front of the Bakerloo line (doesn’t he know if I’m going to do it, I’m picking the Piccadilly line and doing it at the Harrod’s stop, duh). Hoping for the former. I don't have a ton of plans, maybe that's what's scaring me? Time alone. Don't think I need that at all. My usual habit of bench sitting, tea drinking and book reading might be too much for my fragile little soul to handle. 

I don't have anyone to share any West End love with this time, don’t have anyone to lunch at Harrod’s with, or to run through Piccadilly at 1am with as I'm wont to do, and that's scary. But, I'm going to do it anyway! I'm going to slap on a fabulous new dress and run amok through the best city in the world. 

I am so looking forward to get back there and finding out what I’ll do and who I am.

Surely I’ll write in Hyde Park. I’ll bench sit with a book in Green Park (duh). I’ll laugh. I’ll stay out late. Hopefully I’ll sing and I’ll dance. Surely I’ll see a show--or fifteen. And I will finally sleep (courtesy of enough Ambien to kill a horse). We know I’ll wander my favorite neighborhoods and spend the family fortune on Bond Street. And of course, I’ll cry.....probably a lot. 

All alone in my city. No sister this time, no dad, no colleagues, just me. Me and my city. I'll have two days with my cousin, but, the rest the time I am on my own. To find me. To get lost. To explore. To love. I'm not sure a week will be enough.

Because "even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise".

And this time, I suspect it will be rising along the Thames. Me with a cuppa and scones. And happy tears.

My life isn't what I expected, what I'd hoped, what I'd dreamed, but, it's mine and I'm going to find my way and my place in this great big world. Starting with London.

Solid chance I pull an Eat, Pray, Love and never return. You've been warned. If I do set up shop there, I promise I won't start talking British--I'm always a Texas girl, y'all. 

(image from here via Pinterest)

A Weighty Issue

(PSA: I might ramble. Pretend like that's new information)

I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I'm a short little thing (5 teensy tiny feet of loud), so, five pounds shows a heck of a lot on someone as short as me. And, we all know how easy it is to pack on five pounds. Honestly, just look at a cookie and you gain at least two!

I ALWAYS gain when I'm marathon training. Everything goes out the window because I just run, run, run--which is good, but, it means I also eat. A lot. Because I am hungry. A lot. It's a vicious cycle for me.

After Madrid, I decided to take a break from big running. I've been running a few miles every couple of days, either through my 'hood, doing some hills by the lake, or treadmilling while watching the Tour, but, I'm not getting sucked into my evil game of "must run until I hit X miles".

During Baby Sis EuroStravaganza 2012 I was living my own No Carb Left Behind project. I literally ate every crossiant and scone I could get my grubby hands on. And the hotel in London gives that nonense out for FREE. Bad news bears.

Ironically, I came back from the trip a few pounds lighter (insert bad dollar to pound joke here). Sure I walked a lot, and I ran that marathon or whatever, but, trust me I ate a lot. A lot a lot. As in sister and I were eating legit three course meals all through Barcelona.

Turns out, I was happy and I was eating when I was hungry, not just BECAUSE. And I was eating food I loved versus my low fat graham crackers. It's like that stupid book about French women not getting fat or whatever (which I still think is bull). I wasn't eating at 12:05PM because it was lunch time, I was eating a damn croissant at 3:50PM because I was hungry and a salad nicoise at 11PM because, well, I should probably eat a salad at some point.


I never understood how that worked, and I'm still trying to figure it out. But, I do know that when you're not bogged down in despair, in darkness, in sadness, you can focus on things other than coping techniques (it seems my current coping technique is expensive leather goods, but, that's neither here nor there), and you can really live. You can eat a buttery scone because it doesn't define your happiness. It's just part of it. And that getting up and going for a run, or going to yoga, or sweating at the gym becomes easier because it's not something you "must do" it's something to supplement your life. Or, at least, it has been for me.

I don't have all the answers, trust me I don't, but, I am saying, it's funny how things change. It's funny how you can get a grip on something you've battled for 25+ years in the strangest way possible.

And really, let's be honest, I bought THIS DRESS to go see a friend in an off West End show (sounds weird huh? Not like "Off Broadway"--whatever, the idiot was in the best show on the West End for a year, so, he can be a loser now) and damn it, I better fit into it. Clearly, that's my real motivation ;)

GAWD.

I am so sorry, I'm just writing these horrible mopy posts! Don't worry. Full update on all my ridiculous expensive leather goods to come!

The (real) V&A

It's just like Victoria & Albert, only better: Valentino & Ally (that's me, duh).

I suspect we shall be very happy together.

A "life is crazy, please help" shopping trip with my friend CWH ended in these babies coming home with me (she's like the biggest enabler EVER).

I've been eyeing, stalking, lusting, drooling, etc over these for ages--as most women have--and after almost buying them months ago, I took a deep breath and took the plunge. And you know what, life is short, buy the damn shoes.

So, I did.

OH MY GAWD I LOVE THEM SO DAMN MUCH LOVE LOVE LOVE LIKE ALMOST AS MUCH AS HUGH JACKMAN LOVE WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE LITTLE BABY RED SHOES I DIE.

I believe this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

Raise Your Hopeful Voice

One year ago was my last day at Job From Hell. I spent most of last July catching up with my family and relaxing for the first time since forever.

The last 366 (leap year, yo) days have been, well, lots of things. I've had tons of great thing happen (and, uh, all of them took place while traveling. Hmm), but there have been challenges.

I'm sure it looked like a party--me flitting off all over the world, seeing friends, kissing Hugh Jackman (nope, I won't stop saying it), seeing new places (Spain!), familiar places (London!), running races, dancing, being me. And yes, that wasn't bad, I am absolutely not complaining of that. I am beyond blessed, lucky, whatever to have experienced all that goodness. And I thank my lucky stars hourly for that gift.

But, there have been things that haven't been seen or shared, things that suck, things that have changed my life forever. Good things that happened, and scary things, things that led me to where I am and where I'm going. Or where I hope to go.

So, today I celebrate this milestone by spending time poolside with a dear friend and getting tan, because, well, I'm going back London (I KNOW) in two weeks and meeting my cousin there and she's 21 and gorgeous so I best look somewhat cute next to her!

Thus, in two weeks I will be in MY city. The place my soul resides. The place I dream of.

The place that, each time I visit changes my life for the better, touches my soul a little more, leaves memories on my heart that I cling to in the dark moments, memories I cling to in the sadness, and memories that make me burst into hysterical laughter too.

(Rach being spat on by Sweeney Todd; my dad falling in love with Carlotta in Phantom; laughing over flat notes and "cheap" dates; running through Piccadilly at 1:35AM; Michael Crawford; catching up with Expat friends over COLD Diet Coke; jam smuggling; chocolate sampling.... All make me laugh for their own silly, personal reasons!)

I'm looking forward to what memories I will make this time.

Will I end up sat on a park bench the entire time with a book? Will my cousin and I close down a restaurant or two like I'm prone to do with friends? Will I swindle Les Mis tickets from someone (let's be honest, probably. I'll flirt my way to tickets)? Will I cry for a week straight?

I've no idea. But, the city has never let me down. I pray it won't this time. Oh, how I pray.

I don't know what the next 365 days hold for me, but, I do know that the next few weeks will be filled with Tour (de France) talk and transatlantic travels. And if that's as far in advance as my life can go, so be it.

"Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice, you've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black

You have suffered enough,
And warred with yourself
It's time that you've won

Take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time

Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice, you've made it now
Falling slowly, sing your melody
I'll sing it loud"

("Falling Slowly" from Once, by the way) (why isn't THAT showing in London?!)

Time marches on and we've no idea where it'll take us, for now, I'm holding on for the ride of my life.

Right. Random, rambling, emotional post over and out.

Swears.

Little Updates

It is seriously hotter than the hinges of hell outside, so, we're going to do a little staying inside with the A/C moment today. And probably every single day until well, October. Lawdy mercy. I love Texas, but DANG.

Thanking my stars I'm England and then mountain bound for bits of July! Cool weather! Even if my London friends think they are currently "positively boiling". False.

ANYWAYS.

I've done a few little updates around mi casa, so, here you go.

Entryway redo. I don't have a before, but, it didn't look like this. Also, I guess I like yellow? But the walls are a light brown, I swear!

Look, more yellow!! My beloved gingham couch, complete with Pottery Barn pillows. Love this look.

But? Maybe we try something a might chicer. What say ye?

Now, I just need a home for this lovely ditty.

That's right, a HUGE print of the London Underground. It is wrapping paper, y'all! I'm in love with it, I just need to get it matted and framed!!

What about y'all, any house updates these days?

On happiness and heartache

Sometimes being a grown up is sucky.

Sometimes it's fun because you can have ice cream for dinner and no one can say a dang thing--well, except maybe that voice that's all "hey, you're going to get fat!", but, let's be honest, we never listen to that voice anyway. Related, pass the cookies please.

All that to say, I've had to make some grown up choices recently. Sucky choices. Painful things and all that. Kids, don't grow up, it's a trap!

But, I've had some great friends and great times to get me through it and for that, I am a happy gal.  It's strange to find happiness in times of doubt, confusion and pain, but, thanks to some incredible girls, I am in fact finding just that.

My BFF Ren took me out  to Nobu after a particularly hard day (but, we got some really fun news that day too!)

Then, I went to Canton with my insomniac twin That Pink Girl and we found Boo's. It hasn't stopped being funny.

And I got a fried pie! I mean, if that doesn't spell happiness, I don't know what does!

Dinner at Wolfgang Puck's 560 in Reunion Tower with BFF Ren. Who's amazing, duh. Love!

Ren captured this shot of me and I think it's hilariously perfect.

Last night my angel of music, Aurora and I went to see Oklahoma and had the bestest time ever. Major friend pride tears!

I know life isn't easy. I know I'm not perfect. I know I'll continue to screw up and generally be a hot mess, but, even though life has killed the dream I dreamed, I know that even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.

Victor Hugo told me so. 

And, if there was any doubt, I give you, the cast of Magic Mike.

I KNOW.

West End Love

Right.

Enough sad posts.

Yes, it's been a rough few weeks for me, and yes, I have found myself reaching for the phone to call her or finding the necklace she gave me for my 18th birthday and bursting into hysterical tears, but, I've had friends to lean on and memories to preserve. Honestly, and forgive me for being a drama queen--this is one loss I really don't think I'll ever get over.

BUT. There are happy times ahead, and like a zillion years ago when I introduced my sister to London's West End Theatre? Yep, that was a happy time too.

So. We shall talk theatre. Because that is always fun.

Sunburnt idiots at Phantom

We started our London adventures at the classic--you know, Phantom of The Opera. I know, I've seen it like a zillion times just this year alone, but, the London version is just THE BEST and I mean, we couldn't NOT see it. We had such a great time at Phantom--nudging each other, singing along, laughing. It was so much fun. I can't even tell you. I could have cried out of sheer joy.

Front balcony thankyouverymuch

On Saturday, we trekked around Knightbridge and then to see Mama Mia, because it is just so much fun. After being fancy lunching ladies at Harrod's (omg best dessert of MY LIFE) we sat third row for some awesome ABBA action. Dang I love that show!!

We then took off for a stroll around Green Park and the vicinity, which, as you know, my favorite spot in London. I promise, eventually I'll branch out, but, it's just my damn happy place.

Then there was Monday. Monday. MONDAY. Or the day we saw Les Mis. The day I had been waiting for--y'all, be so proud, I didn't even bust out my cheesy "ONE DAY MOOOOOOORE" on my sister while we were meandering 'round London on Sunday. GROWTH.

Alright, I am going to wax poetic here. It's my favorite show, we all know this. It's my favorite for many reasons, but, the most important is that it was my mom's too, that it was something we shared, and something we can still share today even without her.

Cossette is my homegirl. We sat fifth row, bee tee dubs.

I cry every damn time I see it, and I warned Rach that the second the music started, I would lose it. WELL. I showed great strength! I only cried like three times.Really!! This time I had a friend in the show, so, I was mostly invested on watching his idiot self not screw up (he didn't, he did great and it was really special to see him onstage in the best show ever). Although, those kiddos dying the on the barricades? Little harder. OH. And the finale? HOLY JESUS. "They will walk behind the ploughshare, they will put away the sword, the chain will be broken and all men will have their reward, do you hear the people sing, say do you hear the distant drums is the music that they bring when tomorrow comes" Yeah, lost my shit. Standard.

The 2011-2012 cast just changed out on Saturday night, so, I honestly have no idea who will be in the cast for any of you folks pond hopping for the Olympics, but, surely it will be an absolutely amazing cast--it always is!!

THEN. Because we hadn't been blessed enough, we were gifted FRONT ROW tickets to Sweeney Todd. My lands. I LOVE Sweeney Todd. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I just love it. So different from Les Mis and Phantom of course, but I adore it. I haven't seen it since I was in it waaaaay back in high school but when I heard it was on the West End I was determined to see it. Unaware of our schedule I didn't book the tickets before we left, but, uh, when one is offered Sweeney Todd tickets, one takes them.

Especially when MICHAEL BALL--the original Marius in Les Mis plays the Demon Barber himself, you must see it. Y'all. Y'ALL. There really aren't words for how great the show was. I'm actually still in awe of it. The cast, oh the cast!! They were all so good. And Michael Ball?! I swear, he opened his mouth to sing and my heart stopped beating. And I mean, we were front row center, so, that didn't hurt.

Demon Barber of Fleet Street

I was texting a friend the other day and I proclaimed those few days, the best of my life. She asked if it topped Hugh Jackman, which, uhhh, honestly, it might. I know, I need to go wash my mouth out with soap!! But daaaaaang. It was just SO MUCH goodness. I don't know. I watch the Les Mis movie trailer with Hugh and then I remember how much I love him, soooo.....

All this to say, London theatre, I love you more than words. You've made my little heart smile and given me some great memories over the many, many years I've been blessed to enjoy your amazing productions. I will always come back to you--always! July 12th, baby!!! (although, I don't yet have any show tickets booked, for shame!!! Thinking I will hit up The Globe again, yesss)

I am SO LUCKY to have shared London's very best with my dad in September, my sister in April and I'm meeting my cousin there in July--not sure what we'll see yet (I know, the planner in me is freaking out but trying to coordinate with her schedule and the schedule of friends over there....just breathe... it'll all work out... we got Sweeney tickets the day before, surely I can just bat my eyelashes and it'll happen), but, I know that we'll have a blast. London is my city and home to honestly, the best actors in the world (why dear Tom Hooper and Cameron Mackintosh pulled from the West End for the Les Mis movie of course!) and I love sharing it with friends and family.

OK. OK. I'm done. Sorry. London theatre ramblings over. Until July. 

(Sweeney Todd picture from SweeenyToddWestEnd)

Mixed Blessings

Last week I lost one of my oldest and dearest friends in a sudden and very horrible accident, so, I've been a bit of a zombie since then. Appearently I'm still in the angry tears part of grief as I started on hot pissy tears when cooking supper tonight. So, that was fun.

BUT. Sometimes there are mixed blessings.

For example, I got to go home, which I wasn't planning on doing until the holidays, catch up with another lifelong friend and spend some time at the beach.

Let's recap, shall we?

Got into town on Sunday and set up shop at the hotel pool. Got mucho sun. Mucho needed.
 

 Totally wishing I could bottle the smell of the resort--it was absolutely delicious. Perfumey flowers and beach. Perfect. 

 

Had dinner on the beach and because we were on west coast time we weren't missing the Tony's (THANK GOD), but, I was getting play by play tweets.

This one totally made my life. DUH.

Also, can we discuss the Tony's real quick? HUGH JACKMAN I LOVE YOU. Also, Newsies, I die. And Once, ohhhh Once how I love thee. Falling Slowly is just--ahhh the most beautiful thing ever. I need to see it again.

And clearly we all need to hotfoot it Peter and The Starcatcher too!

Midway through the Tony's we made an ice cream run. The Diet Coke is there for well, irony, and also to show scale. That's a lot of salted caramel and brownie goodness!

Childhood bestie with her mess of goodness. We spent $25 on ice cream at 10:15PM. We rock.

Balcony view

Didn't get enough sun as I still have my Madird tanlines! Friend's car en route to the service.

Lunch with my big sister!

Early morning in Santa Barbara. Lovely.

Or, Hugh Jackman

Am having a rough week (one of my best friends was tragically taken from this world on Wednesday night), and even though I have some excellent blog fodder (two insomniacs at Canton, whhhhatttt), I can't wrap my mind around well, anything.

Except this card I found on Pinterest.

Only, I'll say "Hugh Jackman". Or, "Colin Firth". But I do love me some Depp.

Now, who wants to go get arrested?!

(image via littlewhitelion.com)

Memorial Day Weekend in Pictures

While you all were hitting the beach and the pools I was hitting up the high desert mountains of Arizona to celebrate the graduation of my baby girl cousin (honestly, who has a graduation on Memorial Day weekend?!) and have a hootin hollerin time with my family.

AND I DID.

Here's the skinny:

High desert mountain view!

Found Mason Jars the size of my head.

Hilarious magnet on my aunt's fridge. WANT.

And when you're in Arizona, you go to the gun range. A family that shoots together or whatever ;)

My fam at cousin's graduation. And no, surprisingly, I'm NOT adopted. (just a dead ringer for my mom)

My aunt's homemade apricot cordial.

And the homemade beer. Please note the lack of Diet Coke products. Y'all are dead to me.

Yeah, my fam is like one second away from being legit bootleggers. Haha. We are descended from Kentucky moonshiners, so, I guess this shouldn't come as a surprise!

Cousin cuddles! Love this little monkey.

And then I spent yesterday recovering from my wild AZ weekend by sitting by the pool--sooooo sunburnt (again!) and then chillin with my bestie That Pink Girl for an afternoon of eats, chats and Target trips.

What did y'all do?