Crazy Cat Lady

There is a fine line between cute single girl and crazy cat lady (ahem, TPG--"I want it to say 'votes Democrat and listens to the Beastie Boys!'"), and I've worked really hard to not fall into the crazy cat lady territory of my house, which I promise I will show you soon--I just am in dire need of a dining table at the moment and because I am crazy type A, I cannot show you anything without it all being complete. Face. Palm.

ANYWAYS.

I'm now Crazy When I Convince Hugh To Marry Me Lady, aka, Let's Plan My Make Believe Wedding To A Celebrity, shall we? (y'all, I'm sorry, I don't have a lot going on unless you just want to me talk about how I laugh so hard I cry whenever I log onto Kate Middleton For The Win or Text From Dog. I mean, this is my life. I'd be depressed myself if it wasn't so comically sad)

Cearly, I'll wear this.

Source: stylemepretty.com via Shabby on Pinterest

Or, this.

Source: Uploaded by user via Shabby on Pinterest

Ok, or this one.

Source: me-you-just-us-two.tumblr.com via Shabby on Pinterest

I will carry these...

Source: stylemepretty.com via Shabby on Pinterest

He will look like this...

Source: google.ca via Shabby on Pinterest

I  will walk down the aisle to the Brigadoon soundtrack (skip to 6:12)


There will be tartan of course, as my mama's family is a bunch of highland Scots.

I actually hate our family tartan, but, whatcha gon' do? (image from here)

We'll sing A Heart Full of Love of course. And I'm kind of hoping he can invite the entire past, present, future cast of Les Mis including the movie cast and the stage cast, for obvious (Colm Wilkinson, natch) and not so obvious reasons ("what kind of regatta starts at night?! The fake kind!") (oh goodness. I love my Ren).

Now, how to make this happen....

Oh, and Jeremy Kyle will be my ministainer. DUH.

Don't worry, I'm aware I'm mentally unstable. I'm looking into treatment ;)

But, it's laminated!

(I think we all understand the 'Friends' reference, yes? If you don't, please go ahead and Google it, don't worry, I'll wait.......Did you Google? Are you laughing? Welcome back.)

Anywhoodle, because I am an overgrown child, and well, my Hugh Jackman DVDs have gone missing, I figured we could be totally irreverent and discuss our "five".

(let's be honest, this is the big issue)

Source: someecards.com via Shabby on Pinterest

Obviously, Hugh is number 1, 2, 3, 4 AND 5, but, in the off  chance that I run into someone else at Central Perk, I figured I best keep my options open.

Source: hellyeahhughjackman.tumblr.com via Shabby on Pinterest

Source: playbillvault.com via Shabby on Pinterest

Source: forevergeek.com via Shabby on Pinterest

Honestly, how am I supposed to pick Five? I mean REALLY? (yes, I realize this is the dumbest post ever and I don't even care--judge all you want)

Source: google.com via Shabby on Pinterest

My first love, my honest to goodness first love is Johnny Depp. 21 Jump Street, Gilbert Grape, all that. I have loved him forever. Seriously. I know he's not everyone's cup of tea, but, he is in fact mine.

Source: 9gag.com via Shabby on Pinterest

Source: gq.com via Shabby on Pinterest

And, he's newly single, so, I mean, clearly I should move to the south of France and stalk him. Or something less creepy....

Source: viralvotes.com via Shabby on Pinterest

Anyways.

Hugh. Johnny.

Next up, Colin Firth. OBVIOUSLY COLIN. Mr. Darcy, King George/Bertie--who doesn't love this man? I want to marry him--we all do.

Source: imgfave.com via Shabby on Pinterest

Source: fanpop.com via Shabby on Pinterest

Keeping with the UK theme, need I say more:

Source: google.com via Shabby on Pinterest

 Craig, Daniel Craig. 

Which brings us to the fifth. Obviously, it's Patrick Wilson. I know, I know, y'all thought it's be Gerard Butler, and let's call him an alternate, but, I like a man who can sing and dance, and we all know Mr. Wilson can do that--he's the American Hugh Jackman after all.

Source: imdb.com via Shabby on Pinterest

And he married his college sweetheart, so, he's a giant romantic. GAH.

Oh, and, just because, they're so pretty.....
Simon. A surfer boy from Down Under. Clearly.

Source: theberry.com via Shabby on Pinterest

And our Scot. Of course.

Source: buzzsugar.com via Shabby on Pinterest

So, uh, I have a type, eh? As Sarah says "Americans need not apply!", bahahaha.

Who's in your Five?

London Baby 2012

As I predicted, my trip to London was a bit emotional.

Looking back, there are things I wish I'd done differently, and things I wish I hadn't done at all. But, I can't change the past and at the end of the day (you're right, let's quote Les Mis), it was a learning experience and although I wish I didn't have to go through it, I am stronger, braver and wiser than I was before and that can never be taken away from me.

I arrived in London bright eyed on a Friday and spent the day running around until my cousin arrived from school. She and I spent the afternoon wandering around Mayfair, Green Park and St. James Park before having a late dinner at Nobu.

Lovely St. James park!

Outfit for Nobu--obsessed with the sparkle.

Me and the cous. Isn't she a doll?! (no idea wtf my hair is doing)

As expected, we stayed out WAY TOO LATE our first night and spent Saturday morning recovering on Bond Street where we made friends with the lovely sales people and my cousin enabled me into some purchases.

We also went to The V&A where we saw one of the pieces she did her thesis on! She was so cute about it.

We then went to see a friend of mine in "The Fix" down in Southwark and it was amazing. It was a really small theatre so we were up close and personal with the cast. Seeing him onstage again was really spectacular and Molly and I had a great time. Oh! And it is am American play so mostly we just laughed hysterically at his American accent. Y'all, it was hilarious.

Molly is studying at Cambridge so I jetted up to see her and got to walk around HERE all day!

King's College

Inside the chapel at King's--gorgeous!!

Then we went out to dinner and drinks with her boyfriend, who is, of course, a Brit and we may have gotten kicked out of a bar. Or two. It. Was. Awesome.

(sidenote to say I adore her boyfriend and seriously hope they get married because he's just about the sweetest thing and was SO NICE to me when I was having a total breakdown and I just wanted to hug him forever and tell him thank you)

Not sure you can tell, these are BRIGHT blue. Molly and I couldn't stop laughing at our blue tongues. I have no idea what is in them or what they're called, but, the cousin's boyfriend got them cheap at happy hour so, bottoms up!

After I left Cambridge, I had plenty of time to wander and see my favorite sites.

The Tower Bridge with the Olympic rings? To die for!

The London Eye of course!

I also introduced Molly and her boy to the wonder of Notting Hill at night and took them to my favorite haunt in the city, Geale's for fish & chips!

Notting Hill at night. I'm still looking for Hugh Grant I tell you! And the bunting was still up from the Queen's Jubilee. Loved it!

I made my usual trek to Westminster Abbey of course.

Turns out, if you have an emotional breakdown in the Abbey, they will find a Chaplain to come talk to you so you don't scare the tourists. And, when this happens, the Chaplain will take you to private sections of the Abbey to talk. Like there was a 1,000 year old key required to get into this part of the Abbey, I am so not even joking at all. So, there's an item I can cross off the bucket list!

I found time to ride as well, and had a wonderful time--even though it rained.And I got stuck on the Tube looking like a drowned rat.

And naturally, Molly and I made it to a matinee of her favorite play....

And I went to an evening showing of mine.

ACT SURPRISED.

It was so good, as usual. My girl crush Sierra Boggess is currently on as Fantine and I about DIED seeing her in person. Amazing.

So. While London may not have been the dream trip I had hoped for, as the tigers do indeed come at night (oh look, more Les Mis quoting) but, I survived. And I'm the better for it.

And next time I pond hop it will be different. I will be different. I will be ready. And it will be hands down amazing! I just know it!

Tag! You're it!

I'm not good at following directions (I know, shocking), but, my lovely love Danielle tagged me and with some questions and I figure hey, at least that might be cheery and less "WOE IS ME OH MY GAWD I HATE EVERYTHING", so, you're welcome for that and all.

I swear, I DO have pictures to show you and funny stories to tell you, I swear! Until then....

1. what is your favorite blog to read: I don't really know if this counts as a blog, but, seriously y'all, Text From Dog is just about the best thing to hit the internet. Well, besides The Bloggess and Beyonce, duh.

2. if you could have a $5,000 gift card to anywhere, what would it be/how would you use it?: Dude. This is like Sophie's Choice. Do I say Anthro, or Burberry, or, or, or?! OH MY GAWD. But I could buy like everything at Anthro for $5,000 and that wouldn't go very far as Burberry (ask me how I know). Right. Anthro. I'd buy the entire store. And it would be AWESOME.

3. how do you like your coffee/tea?: Same for both: two sugars, splash of milk. Oh so very British.

4. iphone? droid? other?: iPhone.

5. if you could relive one time/day in your life, would you choose to do so? would you do it the same or do something different?: The day Sara and I met Hugh. And I would have tackled him to the ground and handcuffed us together until he agreed to marry me. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that.

6. is there a race that you have never done that you would pay anything/travel anywhere to do? i guess this is similar to a whats your dream race sort of question...: Comrades. I will run it one day. Thinking for my 30th birthday. Which gives me time to get fast and run a few ultras. Gulp.

7. what is your favorite brand of jeans: Love my Miss Me jeans that my sister bought for me, but, my all time favorite "good butt" jeans are my Citizens of Humanity Kelly jeans. Expensive as hell? Yes, but, dang if it doesn't make my booty look good!

8. what is your go to breakfast?: Eggo Multigrain Blueberry Waffle. Has been for YEARS.

9. what 3 books would you take with you to a deserted island?: The Great Gatsby, The Oddyssey, Rebecca. All time favorites.

10. what are your 3 current favorite tunes?: "Leave" from the Once Musical soundtrack--and, um, I can't think of what is on the radio right now. I am lame!

11. is there anything you still keep that you have from your childhood?: Yes! I have two stuffed animals that I still keep. Because I am an overgrown child.

Well, that sums up the questions Danielle had for me! Do y'all have any fave tunes these days? Since it's clear I need to expand my horizons!

xoxox

(Text from Dog image from here, Once image from here)

Damn technology!

Sorry for my absence, and well, the SUPER CHEERY post I left y'all with. Lands. Apologies.

Anyways, I had all these great pictures to show you from London and from my weekend away with my family in the mountains, but, guess whose phone is refusing to download the pictures to the computer? That's right. Damn technology!

So, hopefully soon I shall have some lovely pictures to show you, but, until then, I leave you with this.

Source: quickmeme.com via Shabby on Pinterest

I have honestly been laughing at this for a good three days. Best "hey girl" EVER.

This Girl

Is surviving.
Is alive.
Is fighting.
Is lonely.
Is emotional.
Is wishing she was still in London.

Is going to be ok.
Is going to pull herself up by her bootstraps.
Is headed home for some family cuddles this week.
Is funny.
Is stronger than she believes.
Still has her zest for life.
Believes in love.

Knows that Hugh Jackman really is her true love in life.

Will settle for Colin Firth.Or Patrick Wilson--if she had to.

Is embarking on a mission to find herself and her place in this world.
Will look back on this time and laugh.
Will see the sun rise again.
Will laugh again.
Will sing again.
And will find all that which is good and pure in life because it is out there. Somewhere. Someday. Somehow.

Until then, until my eyes dry, the dust clears and the horizon shows itself I will be stronger than I ever thought I could be and I will cling to that which I know, hope and love.

And eventually this melancholy bullcrap will end. I promise.

And I'll tell you about how my cousin and I shut down a bar in London, ate too much in Cambridge and got lost in Notting Hill because her boyfriend is a big goober and I love him. It. Was. Awesome.

London Calling

Normally, I am Miss Independent and can do damn near anything on my own, but, suddenly, my solo pond hop to London is freaking me out.

One week. One week in the city I love. One week of just me. I've never done this. I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm anxious.

It might be just what the doctor ordered, or, in my dad's words, I may throw myself in front of the Bakerloo line (doesn’t he know if I’m going to do it, I’m picking the Piccadilly line and doing it at the Harrod’s stop, duh). Hoping for the former. I don't have a ton of plans, maybe that's what's scaring me? Time alone. Don't think I need that at all. My usual habit of bench sitting, tea drinking and book reading might be too much for my fragile little soul to handle. 

I don't have anyone to share any West End love with this time, don’t have anyone to lunch at Harrod’s with, or to run through Piccadilly at 1am with as I'm wont to do, and that's scary. But, I'm going to do it anyway! I'm going to slap on a fabulous new dress and run amok through the best city in the world. 

I am so looking forward to get back there and finding out what I’ll do and who I am.

Surely I’ll write in Hyde Park. I’ll bench sit with a book in Green Park (duh). I’ll laugh. I’ll stay out late. Hopefully I’ll sing and I’ll dance. Surely I’ll see a show--or fifteen. And I will finally sleep (courtesy of enough Ambien to kill a horse). We know I’ll wander my favorite neighborhoods and spend the family fortune on Bond Street. And of course, I’ll cry.....probably a lot. 

All alone in my city. No sister this time, no dad, no colleagues, just me. Me and my city. I'll have two days with my cousin, but, the rest the time I am on my own. To find me. To get lost. To explore. To love. I'm not sure a week will be enough.

Because "even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise".

And this time, I suspect it will be rising along the Thames. Me with a cuppa and scones. And happy tears.

My life isn't what I expected, what I'd hoped, what I'd dreamed, but, it's mine and I'm going to find my way and my place in this great big world. Starting with London.

Solid chance I pull an Eat, Pray, Love and never return. You've been warned. If I do set up shop there, I promise I won't start talking British--I'm always a Texas girl, y'all. 

(image from here via Pinterest)

A Weighty Issue

(PSA: I might ramble. Pretend like that's new information)

I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I'm a short little thing (5 teensy tiny feet of loud), so, five pounds shows a heck of a lot on someone as short as me. And, we all know how easy it is to pack on five pounds. Honestly, just look at a cookie and you gain at least two!

I ALWAYS gain when I'm marathon training. Everything goes out the window because I just run, run, run--which is good, but, it means I also eat. A lot. Because I am hungry. A lot. It's a vicious cycle for me.

After Madrid, I decided to take a break from big running. I've been running a few miles every couple of days, either through my 'hood, doing some hills by the lake, or treadmilling while watching the Tour, but, I'm not getting sucked into my evil game of "must run until I hit X miles".

During Baby Sis EuroStravaganza 2012 I was living my own No Carb Left Behind project. I literally ate every crossiant and scone I could get my grubby hands on. And the hotel in London gives that nonense out for FREE. Bad news bears.

Ironically, I came back from the trip a few pounds lighter (insert bad dollar to pound joke here). Sure I walked a lot, and I ran that marathon or whatever, but, trust me I ate a lot. A lot a lot. As in sister and I were eating legit three course meals all through Barcelona.

Turns out, I was happy and I was eating when I was hungry, not just BECAUSE. And I was eating food I loved versus my low fat graham crackers. It's like that stupid book about French women not getting fat or whatever (which I still think is bull). I wasn't eating at 12:05PM because it was lunch time, I was eating a damn croissant at 3:50PM because I was hungry and a salad nicoise at 11PM because, well, I should probably eat a salad at some point.


I never understood how that worked, and I'm still trying to figure it out. But, I do know that when you're not bogged down in despair, in darkness, in sadness, you can focus on things other than coping techniques (it seems my current coping technique is expensive leather goods, but, that's neither here nor there), and you can really live. You can eat a buttery scone because it doesn't define your happiness. It's just part of it. And that getting up and going for a run, or going to yoga, or sweating at the gym becomes easier because it's not something you "must do" it's something to supplement your life. Or, at least, it has been for me.

I don't have all the answers, trust me I don't, but, I am saying, it's funny how things change. It's funny how you can get a grip on something you've battled for 25+ years in the strangest way possible.

And really, let's be honest, I bought THIS DRESS to go see a friend in an off West End show (sounds weird huh? Not like "Off Broadway"--whatever, the idiot was in the best show on the West End for a year, so, he can be a loser now) and damn it, I better fit into it. Clearly, that's my real motivation ;)

GAWD.

I am so sorry, I'm just writing these horrible mopy posts! Don't worry. Full update on all my ridiculous expensive leather goods to come!

The (real) V&A

It's just like Victoria & Albert, only better: Valentino & Ally (that's me, duh).

I suspect we shall be very happy together.

A "life is crazy, please help" shopping trip with my friend CWH ended in these babies coming home with me (she's like the biggest enabler EVER).

I've been eyeing, stalking, lusting, drooling, etc over these for ages--as most women have--and after almost buying them months ago, I took a deep breath and took the plunge. And you know what, life is short, buy the damn shoes.

So, I did.

OH MY GAWD I LOVE THEM SO DAMN MUCH LOVE LOVE LOVE LIKE ALMOST AS MUCH AS HUGH JACKMAN LOVE WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE LITTLE BABY RED SHOES I DIE.

I believe this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

Raise Your Hopeful Voice

One year ago was my last day at Job From Hell. I spent most of last July catching up with my family and relaxing for the first time since forever.

The last 366 (leap year, yo) days have been, well, lots of things. I've had tons of great thing happen (and, uh, all of them took place while traveling. Hmm), but there have been challenges.

I'm sure it looked like a party--me flitting off all over the world, seeing friends, kissing Hugh Jackman (nope, I won't stop saying it), seeing new places (Spain!), familiar places (London!), running races, dancing, being me. And yes, that wasn't bad, I am absolutely not complaining of that. I am beyond blessed, lucky, whatever to have experienced all that goodness. And I thank my lucky stars hourly for that gift.

But, there have been things that haven't been seen or shared, things that suck, things that have changed my life forever. Good things that happened, and scary things, things that led me to where I am and where I'm going. Or where I hope to go.

So, today I celebrate this milestone by spending time poolside with a dear friend and getting tan, because, well, I'm going back London (I KNOW) in two weeks and meeting my cousin there and she's 21 and gorgeous so I best look somewhat cute next to her!

Thus, in two weeks I will be in MY city. The place my soul resides. The place I dream of.

The place that, each time I visit changes my life for the better, touches my soul a little more, leaves memories on my heart that I cling to in the dark moments, memories I cling to in the sadness, and memories that make me burst into hysterical laughter too.

(Rach being spat on by Sweeney Todd; my dad falling in love with Carlotta in Phantom; laughing over flat notes and "cheap" dates; running through Piccadilly at 1:35AM; Michael Crawford; catching up with Expat friends over COLD Diet Coke; jam smuggling; chocolate sampling.... All make me laugh for their own silly, personal reasons!)

I'm looking forward to what memories I will make this time.

Will I end up sat on a park bench the entire time with a book? Will my cousin and I close down a restaurant or two like I'm prone to do with friends? Will I swindle Les Mis tickets from someone (let's be honest, probably. I'll flirt my way to tickets)? Will I cry for a week straight?

I've no idea. But, the city has never let me down. I pray it won't this time. Oh, how I pray.

I don't know what the next 365 days hold for me, but, I do know that the next few weeks will be filled with Tour (de France) talk and transatlantic travels. And if that's as far in advance as my life can go, so be it.

"Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice, you've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black

You have suffered enough,
And warred with yourself
It's time that you've won

Take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time

Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice, you've made it now
Falling slowly, sing your melody
I'll sing it loud"

("Falling Slowly" from Once, by the way) (why isn't THAT showing in London?!)

Time marches on and we've no idea where it'll take us, for now, I'm holding on for the ride of my life.

Right. Random, rambling, emotional post over and out.

Swears.