(I know, it scares me too)
I've been thinking about my childhood best friend a lot lately. It all started at my husband's graduation--I don't even know how we got on the topic, but, before I knew it, we were almost home from the 1 hour drive and I was in tears.
I miss her terribly.
I miss her everyday. I miss her whenever I watch What About Bob. I miss her when I eat Starburst, I miss her when I see a guinea pig. I miss her when I see or think about horses. I miss her when I look at my photos. I miss her all the time.
I miss her when I miss my mom.
I miss her when I think about my wedding and how she wasn't there. I miss her when I think of my first apartment and how she died the day I moved in.
I miss her like she's part of me. And she was. She was my soul sister. She is my soul sister.
Clearly, we're still a ways away from having children, and my husband isn't too fond of her name (Sara), but, I desperately want to name a daughter after her (her actual name, Sara Katherine would be perfect considering Katherine is a family name on both sides for me). So, I'm still pushing for 'Sara' to be incorporated into our future daughter's name somehow (current name obsession for my unborn children: Sara Sonora). So, that's my current and future capturing her in my life plan--hopefully.
But, I feel like lately, I really need her. I really miss her. Without her and my mom, there's no one to really share in the little things with--and I miss that. It freaking sucks.
I want to honor her in some way, but am not coming up with anything. Something for charity? She died of premature birth complications (we were both preemies--something we loved about each other) that tormented her until she finally passed at age 24. She'd be 28 if she were still alive today. Something for March of Dimes?
Should I put her name on all on race tee shirts and run for her? Should I get a necklace with her monogram? (don't anyone suggest a tattoo--it's not happening).
I just, I feel like she needs to be more a part of me outwardly than she has been. She was my very best friend. I'll never forget her reaction at "our" mom's funeral--that's family. She cried and screamed and sobbed with me.
At least one of my most cherished memories if the three of us decorating the Christmas tree when I got home from college. We were watching What About Bob and drinking hot chocolate and eating spritz cookies. It was wonderful.
Even in the dark times, I remember that. I remember us.
Any thoughts on how to honor and remember my dear Sara?
PS. Sorry for the Debbie Downer, it's just been weighing on me heavily lately and I had to get it out. Shallow and shopping SP will be back tomorrow, don't you worry.
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14 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Sara. I think that doing something for the March of Dimes sounds great - especially if they do a race, esp. a fundraising race - you could wear her name on your shirt.
This post made me sob like a little girl. You are such an amazing friend and she was so lucky to have you. I think it's wonderful that you are considering doing something for her! I second the idea of doing a race for her. Maybe you can see if there is a charity that you could raise money for in her honor for your marathon?
My bestest friend in the whole world died in a car wreck the first labor day after college graduation.
I still send her emails. I don't know if anyone checks it, but they never bounce back. I tell her everything. We had so much fun together.
I don't know what you could do ... but what I do to remember Susan is to do something she always wanted to do. She always talked about "someday, she wanted to" ... and I've tried to do that something, a little bit every year. Her something was donating time/money to a specific charity.
Maybe your friend had something she always wanted to do, and you could remember her by doing it?
I'm sorry you have to go through this. It just sucks, end of story. More than anything, I want to call Su and talk about your post. I can't believe it's been almost 6 years. At least I know she's my guardian angel these days.
:(
:-|
I really wish she could be around right now for you.
You are an amazing girl! I hope you know that!!
what a sweet post. you've been through so much. doing a race for her is a wonderful idea.
I'm really sorry to hear about Sara and what you have had to go through in your short little life. You are such a strong person...and I think whatever you decide to do for her she would love and appreciate.
I had no idea you've survived TWO such awful tragedies...God love you, dear one, for all you've had to endure.
I agree that the March of Dimes sounds like a great idea, but I also think incorporating her memory into running (ie, living life to the fullest) would be a great way to honor your best friend. She would definitely want to see you running your races and accomplishing great things! I hope you figure out the best answer, and in the meantime, I'm sending you a jillion hugs today.
Awww this is so sad, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry you are sad! Doing the race is a great idea!
How hard this must be for you, to have lost two loved ones that were so close to you. I agree with the others, running for her would be amazing. You're a great friend to want to do things in her memory.
What a sweet tribute post. It makes me miss my grandbaby Emma, who was also a preemie baby (born 24 weeks early, she graced us with her presence for 6 months).
Hugggsss, honey! How about a gift of money and or TIME to a children's hospital in your area? It's a lovely way to make a wonderful tribute to her. It would almost be like spending time for her.
What a very nice tribute. I'm so sorry - best friend & mom? Wow.
I love the idea of donating in her name to a charity you think she would like. Racing in her name is also a fantastic idea.
You should do a race or donation or something. What a beautiful and heart wrenching post! Makes me miss her! Have you heard of chip in where you can get all of us involved?
I think you honor her in the best way by thinking about her like you do. It's beautiful how you feel about her.
It frightens me that someone could die from complications like that at the age of 24. Isn't there a time when a premature baby gets to sit back and say, "Okay - that stressful part is over." I guess not.
On a lighter note, I thought my complete-lack-of-baking-skills-family was the ONLY one that made spritz cookies!
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