Memory Lane

(also titled "Our Scanner is Currently Working So We Must Strike While the Iron is Hot")

Remember the onesies that I obsess over (here and here)?

Well, I found a picture of them.
So, I guess I was falsifying the story when I called them onesies, because, they clearly aren't. They are little cape sweater things--and the bonnets? Oh the bonnets. My heart aches.

I have no idea which one is my grandma and which one is my great aunt, but, I don't care. I adore this picture.

While we're doing the Memory Lane thing, here are some more pictures for ya.

That's my momma and our dog in our backyard--gosh, probably sometime in the early 80s.

Me and my momma (in my blonde phase) on her wedding day--November 2, 2002. (don't I look exactly like her? I totally lucked out because my sister looks just like our dad. Yay for my mom having the dominant genes!)

My momma and her girls at my High School Graduation. Again--blonde phase and before I discovered a flat iron.

L-R we have Jenny, Malia, momma, me and Aubrey. Jenny spent every Christmas Eve with us for YEARS. Malia's dad basically adopted me and Aubrey's mom and mine were best friends. My mom considered them her girls too. We're family.

My mom had that photo in an 8x10 frame in her living room. She was such a good mom. I sent that photo to all the girls last night.

I've been scanning up a storm since our scanner is currently not on the fritz. Prepare to see much more where this came from!

Isn't modern technology fun?

Please join me on this emotional rollercoaster

(you can bring booze if you want. In fact, it's recommended)
So, here's how yesterday played out:

1. Am having an emotional breakdown because listening to Sublime on the way to work makes me deliriously happy, but, also gives me the sads because it reminds me of high school and my mom and my high school sweetheart and then I remember that hey, guess what, you're NOT 18 anymore, you're NOT skinny anymore, you haven't talked to your high school sweetheart in SIX years, and oh yeah, you're mom has been dead for SEVEN years. So then I cry.

2. And then there was this whole text message exchange that we just don't even need to talk about. Suffice to say that I was teetering on Courtney Love crazy territory, but, kept it fairly Lindsay Lohan. I'm holding back on the C. Love. I suspect that may eventually seep out in the form of verbal/text vomit. Lucky I have my photographer BFF to talk sense into me. Anyways, the text exchange took up most of my energy yesterday and was exhausting. But, a blessing too.

3. I go to Kroger to get a salad for lunch because I really want Taco Bell, but, there isn't one near my office and I figure I'm feeling fat, so, a salad it is. As I'm pulling out of the parking garage (in which I do not get signal) my sissy calls me. This is the last time I will see her number on my called ID for 18 months. Gulp. And we talk and I tell her how proud I am of her and how much I love her and will miss her so much, but, I'm so happy for her. We talk for a few minutes and then I start crying and tell her I have to hang up and she needs to make some more phone calls. And then I cry for an hour because it's actually happening. I won't get to text her about celebrity gossip, talk about Bones with her, go shopping or be judgemental with her for 18 whole months.

--Note--

At this point, it's already been an exhausting day. I'm ready to pull the covers over my head and go to sleep at 3:15. Too bad I get busy at work at my master plan of leaving early has failed and before I know it, it's 4:59 and I'm still knee deep in work.

4. Then, that evening, as we're heading off to youth group and my stomach has finally calmed down (because I decided it would be a good idea to continue the text message exchange while trying to cook dinner. Read: stupid. Also? Leads to almost chopping your finger off) I get a call from my dad (he can be blamed for the text message exchange, but, I'll yell at him about that later. He's already in trouble for missing my mom's birthday last week). I'm not really in the mood to talk to my dad because I'm exhausted, remember? And parents are exhausting in general. But! But! He called to tell me that the California State Supreme Court decided not to hear an appeal, thus upholding an original verdict. You don't really need to know the backstory, suffice to say: my mom died seven years ago, we went to court. We won. It got appealed. And then appealed again. And then again to the State Supreme Court. And we've been on pins and needles about it for months. Until last night. And then I started screaming and crying and I was so happy I just couldn't believe it. And wanted a cookie.

This was at 6:50PM and I had thoroughly used all my energy reserves for the next two days at this point.

Which is why I fell asleep at 8:40 last night. And am still tired.

Whew. Emotional day over at Casa de SP.

How are you doing?

Oh, and because this post needs a picture, here's a cute one of me and my BFF Lara while I was in California in August. I love her times five hundred billion.
(please ignore that I look kind of chubs and am smiling like a chipmunk. This is a recent development and annoying the hell out of me)

9/8/48

Today is my mom's birthday. She would have been 62. But a freakin' awesome 62, let me tell ya.

It's always a hard day for me. I can't believe that seven years ago was the last birthday I celebrated with her. It seems like just yesterday. And it seems like forever. Does that make sense?

I realize that I'm not unique in losing a parent--I mean, that's how it's supposed to work, right? Children outliving their parents is normal and all.

But, losing your mom in an earthquake, three days before Christmas when you're home from college for winter break has gotta mess with you in some way. And, it has. It does. It sucks. Let's just be real. Losing a parent--no matter how--totally sucks booty.

I wonder who she would be now. What kind of grandmother she'd be to my future children (although, I don't really have to wonder: she'd be the best grandma ever). I wonder if she would have made my wedding dress (she was a crazy good seamstress) and if I'd ever figure out how to make her oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. I wonder what she'd think of my husband, and my house. If she and I would have taken my post college trip to Europe and if we'd still vacation in Tortola.

It's hard to believe I've lived almost 7 years without her. It's even harder to believe that I've got the rest of my life ahead of me without her.

She was my best friend. She was the person who loved me most on this earth. She was my mom.

I hope that I can share the experiences she and I had with my future daughter. I hope we'll spend days watching Little Women and making cookies. I hope we'll go to the museums in DC and spend the afternoon eating pizza on the Mall. I hope we'll vacation to the beach and make memories in the islands. I hope I learn how to sew and can hem her jeans. I hope I will be able to make the world's best oatmeal chocolate chip cookies too.

But mostly, I hope I'm the person she wanted me to be.

"Brandy, throw more brandy! Rum. I never mix my pies!"

There are so many things I could ramble about, as always, but, today, I leave you with my favorite scene, from one of my all time favorite movies (actually, this isn't my favorite scene, my favorite is the prince all drunk and talking to his 'Mumzie'--and the reason I called my mom 'Mumzie', but, YouTube didn't have that one)

I miss my mom a lot today (I miss her every single day!), but, am so grateful for the judges that upheld the verdict, thus supporting safety for those living in California. I'm so grateful for our attorneys for standing by us, being our best friends, our favorite people to have take out with, our favorite people to rant with, our lightning rods, our family--and of course, just being geniuses in general. They are the reason I wish I had gone to law school--I want to work for them and do what they do--fight for safety (it's no surprise my husband's dream job is with OSHA--we're all about workplace safety!)

Anyways, enjoy.


PS. I'm in love with the cake he falls into. I always wanted that for a birthday, although I'm sure it's taller than me.

Signs of Summer

(besides the freaking heat and humidity that we've been hit with, holy hell. I want to die. Or move to Colorado. Something)

A few weeks ago, my Ella Mae was running around outside past her bedtime and because I am 500 years old and get up at 5AM on Saturday, that little beagle needed to get her booty in the house. Now. I go outside to see what's distracted her, and wouldn't you know it, like any sweet Southern gal, she's out there chasing fireflies! It was the cutest thing. I about died. I let her play for a few more minutes. Because I'm a good puppy mom like that.

And then, just like that, it's summer (I know it's "technically" not, but, I don't care, shut up).

It's summer when the music in my car has switched from my standard repeat of George, Pat and Dwight (judge away, I don't care) to George, Pat, Kenny, Jimmy, Bob and The Eagles (random, right?).

It's summer when I open the sunroof on the drive home.

When I buy a new perfume that reminds me of the islands (Escada Ocean Lounge in case you're wondering).

When my husband requests a coconut cake for his birthday (I knew I married this man for a reason).

When I pull out the old Sugar Mill cookbook and send Rum French Toast recipes to friends.

When I come home and Rach is pink from sitting in the sun all afternoon.

When thoughts of the islands fill my mind every waking second.

When the smell of Coppertone is heaven.

When I remember the days long ago of endless waves on silky white sand and laughing the day away with my mom. When I remember breakfast at Long Bay Beach Club and dinners at Pusser's. When melted ice cream (because the freezer never worked) and grilled pizza (because the power never stayed on) makes me laugh and cry at the same time.

When all I can think about is my mom. And the places we went.

And the places we wanted to go.

When my BFF just returned from another fabulous vacation and I stare at her all starry eyed, knowing 100% that she was put in my path for a reason--and that my mom had a role in it.

When things slow down, the temperature goes up and it's like I'm 17 again.

Like I was back in the Islands. Getting sunburned, heat rash, mosquito bites and all.

Someday. Someday I'll go back.

Until then, I'll rock out to Kenny, I'll make pina colada pancakes (they're better than they sound) and lay by the pool.

After all, isn't that what summer is all about?

I am my mother's child

It's August.

It's 100 degrees out.

What am I doing to pass the day o' data entry away?

Listening to Christmas music.

True story.

"It's the most wonderful time of the year"

Next thing you know I'll be shopping for gifts and wrapping presents.

In September.

Clearly, the apple does not fall far.

My mother's exact words after a shopping trip mid July "Just act surprised".

Now, where's my hot chocolate?!