I'm being stalked

And not by Hugh Jackman or Daniel Craig (which is tragic, really).

By geckos.

Lizards.

And other creepy crawlies.

::shudders::

Now, I'll kill a spider (sorry, PETA, but, I will), a cockroach and most bugs--if it is deemed necessary--although, usually we just find dead bugs. Ick! (let me clear this up: I'm not some big ol' animal hater that gets her jollies killing bugs--I'm just saying, if it's necessary, I can step up to the plate--ask my co-workers, last year, we had an invasion of cockroaches)

However, lately, it's been the onslaught of geckos that has me screaming and running the other direction.

I don't mind those blue bellied lizards we had in California (they're still gross, don't get me wrong) and big ol' giant pet lizard things don't really creep me out (although you couldn't pay me all the money in the world to have one in my home)--it's probably because they are big. You can see big.

But man alive, I did not know how many damn geckos Texas would have.

They creep me out because 1) they're kind of see-through, and that's f-ing gross 2) they're freaking everywhere 3) they're uber attracted to light so walk into someones home in the evening and you'll usually find them around their front porch light. ICK!!

Now, my first issue with lizards happened when I was very newly married and housesitting for my parents. I had just quit my job as we were getting ready to move to Texas and was for a glorious 4 weeks, a desperate housewife. My husband worked a 12 hour night shift, so, it was just me and my Liz kitty at home at night.

I should mention that my parents home was very Mediterranean, which meant doors and windows were left open all the time because there was no A/C and we lived by the beach--it was just natural.

Well, somehow an alligator lizard got in one evening (shocking--now I close doors and windows obsessively). And mind you, this wasn't just some ol' lizard--it was like a mix of a snake (the spawn of all evil) and a giant lizard--basically, a snake with legs (omg, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit) and it was big. A good 12 inches or more (seriously, probably more like 14 inches).

And it was just slithering around the house and I'm pretty sure chasing me. I was petrified it was going to bite my cat (yes, absurd)--but she wanted to play with it and I'm fairly certain it could have taken her. For real.

So, what does any grown woman do?

Call her husband screaming and crying and force him to turn around (10 minutes from work--um, we lived 45 minutes away at this point) and get the blasted creature out of the house.

Which he did. But he has never let me forget this story. I still think I was in the right. Hell, I would have taken the cat and gone to a hotel before I'd spend the night with that thing running lose. And yes, I was too scared to get within 10 feet of it.

So, imagine my love and adoration for me new home state when it's swimming with teeny little lizard monsters. And yes, I know they eat bugs. The still aren't cute.

I will not kill a gecko (mainly because, ew).

But they are too damn speedy to chase out of the house. So, you can imagine my utter horror when the husband was out of town several weeks ago and when I let the dogs back in for their nightly potty session, two damn geckos came running in (the bedroom light was on--rookie mistake). Of course, dogs wanted to play with them, and I'm frantically shoving a magazine towards them to go back outside already! They wouldn't budge. I tried picking them up with paper towel (gagging again)--they're too fast! Finally, I cornered them and put an empty Mason Jar halfway over them--enough for the dogs to stay away, but enough that they could escape if needed. But, I'm pretty sure they died of heart attacks or something (just please, let me think this). Ick.

Two nights later, one snuck in (lights off!) and ran under the bedroom door to the living room.

Let's just say I shoved a towel under the bedroom door and prayed that it would find it's way outside again (and didn't sleep very much that night either).

Fast forward to last night.

I'm in the fancy second floor internal no windows bathroom of my office building getting ready to head to class, and what do I see scaling the wall above me?

A damn gecko.

I have never moved so quickly in my life. I'm still scared to go back into that bathroom (which is awesome, because it's the only one on the floor of my office!).

I swear, they're stalking me.

ICK!

PS. My marathon is in exactly 2 months. 2 freaking months, people!! (and, I didn't run this morning--up all night sick=awesome). Can you even believe it? Two more months and it's done. Which means, it's 2 months and 3 days until my birthday. Start present shopping now, kids. OMG, two months. I have to go freak out now. Operation Kick Marathon's Ass is in full swing.