This little heart o' mine

Heaven knows my little heart has been taking a beating lately, and am rather exhausted from it.

I'm a giver, I dive in 120% to everything I do. There's a line in Eat, Pray Love that says "if I love you, you can have everything. My money, my time, my ass, my dog, my dog's money" and that's so true. I will give you whatever you want no matter what it costs me. I will spend $90 sending something UPS overnight because I want you to have it RIGHT NOW. I will stay up way past my bedtime to talk to you. I will miss a run, I will cancel plans, I will do whatever is needed if you ask me to.

I'm my mother's child. She was the most giving, loving, thoughtful person you could have ever met. But there's a fine line isn't there? A line between giving and receiving. Because how much of ourselves can we give away before there is nothing left? I'm still working on this ratio, fyi, but, when I find it, I'll let you know.

So, I've loved hard, which means I've lost even harder. I've had days where all I do is migrate from bed to sofa, to big chair and back to bed. I've had days where I've run my little brain out. Or had enough Diet Coke to kill an elephant.

And as much as the loss, the heartbreak, the whatever hurts (cause it does y'all, oh it does), I try to hang onto the positive. The blessings. The lessons. (in between bouts of wanting to prison shank people, but, that's neither here nor there)

"And remember, the truth that once was spoken, to love another person is to see the face of God". (Victor Hugo for the win)

I know that if nothing else, if I've failed at everything, that I have loved, and that is a blessing in and of itself. That, even through the pain, the tears, the core shaking emotions, I have seen the face of God.

And because of that, this little heart o' mine if gonna be just fine. Not today, not tomorrow, but soon.

This I know.

What the hell did we do before YouTube?

So, my bestie, TPG introduced this to me on Friday. And then I watched it like a zillion times and we started tweeted the lyrics back and forth--I mean, she and I do run our own gang--#97Hamsterz for those wondering--so, clearly, we're bad@sses.

I promise, this is the greatest thing you will see today. Unless somehow you're lucky enough to see some sort of sneak preview of Skyfall or Hugh Jackman in general. For the rest of us mere mortals, this is the best it's gonna get.



You're welcome.

Why I Can't Have Nice Things

Reasons One and Two

I'm sorry, these cushions aren't for the sleeping?

Reason Three

You're welcome, Mom. Now you know how much paper is on the roll!

Little jerks. Seriously, I can't have nice things, the destroy it all!

But, despite the crazy, I love them and they make my house a home. They're my buddies!

Musings & Monday

Hey, remember how like 17,000 years ago I was actually really good at these updates? Yeah, I know. But, la, la, la I'm running thin on crap to talk about, so, list format it shall be!!

1. I'm feeling super nostalgic because four years ago this week I rekindled my love for MY CITY and have been maintaining a long distance relationship ever since. We are truly meant to be, and our love is unconditional. For this, I am grateful.

2. I've been sucked into the newest Boden catalogues and rarely coming for air because BUY ALL THE THINGS. British tweed. The end.

3. Went back to Pure Barre the other day--I still hurt. And before that, I ran. So, good life choices, obviously. Ouch.

4. My big sister is in DC with my niece and this is the third year I have missed this trip by a hair! Boo. Y'all know I love DC.

5. Speaking of, it's Marine Corps Marathon weekend, aka my favorite race ever, and I'm a little blue I'm not running it this year. And then last night I couldn't sleep because my IT band was hurting so bad, so, then I am not so sad.

6.  Christy and I are going to run Dublin in 2013! Of course, I haven't decided if we're doing the full or half, but, either way, Dublin. A place where I fit in!!! Huzzah!

7. Apparently, I run again. Who knew?!

8. It's almost my birthday month. I want a puppy, fyi. Or, a diamond from Hugh. Or, a tiara. Or, a flat in London. I'm really not picky.

9. I've been living off Central Market tortillas and spinach dip--with a side of Diet Coke. It's all TPG's fault, really.

10. I  have sand caught in my eye. It hurts as much as you'd imagine it does. Womp womp.

Welp, that's about all I've got for today! How was y'alls weekend? What's going on? Am I mising any good TV??

xoxo

Revenge is a dish best served hot

I need to be banned from eBay, it's getting dangerous.

Although, can we discuss the fact that I only buy stuff on eBay if I am getting a steal? Serious, steals to be found there my friends.

And. Since I'm currently on a whole "look my hottest for my birthday and eventual holiday in the motherland with my cousin" kick, I clearly need some hot mama dresses? Obvs.

I mean, these babies should remind fools of what they missed out on, yeah?

Sincerely Paris dress via Anthro.  Duh. 

Kate Spade crack. 

Whoever said revenge is a dish served cold was oh so dramatically wrong. It's best served hot. Especially in winter.

Now, to lose a few pounds, tone up and spray tan the hell out of myself. Or something. 

Maine Girls

I had a whirlwind weekend hopping up to Bar Harbor, Maine to run the MDI Marathon Relay (again!) and spend some much needed time with my favoritest of ladies.

I have much more to come, but, I shall tide you over with a few pictures!

Reunited with my Pippa (aka Sarah) for a weekend of shenanigans! Royal sisters FOREVER

Redhead Date Night in Portland with my girl, Susan.  (oh this is a blog post in itself!!)

Road trip time with Christy and Danielle! MDI here we come!

When in Maine, you stop and take pictures with the giant moose. Duh.

"Badass marathoners strutting to dinner" sayeth Andy!

Sara, Danielle, Christy, Sarah and me on a very chilly and rainy race morning

Thank you to all the amazing and wonderful people who make MDI my favorite race and favorite weekend!

xoxox

It's going to get worse before it gets better

So, these were shared on Twitter today.

AND THEN I DIED.

"I am the law and the law is not mocked!"

Hey 24601, "all I want for Christmas is youuuuuuuu".

Merry Christmas to me!!

(also, can we discuss how he has green-ish eyes so my dream of little redheaded green eyed children could actually happen?! I KNOW. Just gotta wait for that wife of his to die or something. Sigh.....)



I'd apologize in advance for all the Les Mis geekery that is going to happen until December 25, but, you know I don't feel bad about it AT ALL.

I CAN'T CONTROL HOW EXCITED I AM SWEET JESUS I MIGHT BE ABLE TO SEE THE MOVIE AND NOT CRY!!

Gangnam Style/I haven't stopped laughing

I know y'all have seen these videos, but, I don't care, I have the sense of humor of a small child and I think they are all effing hilarious and I can't stop watching/can't figure out which one I like best (but don't tell my dad or brother--as far as they know, it's Army ALL THE WAY)

So, anyways, enjoy!!

(cause it's Monday and we could all use a laugh)

Costa Rica-ing

Last week, I was lucky enough to jet off to Costa Rica for a few days of sun and rest. It was absolutely a dream and I would go back again and again! Loved it.

It was a very random occurrence that led me to the resort I stayed at and because I am a travel discount email whore, I managed the whole stay for less than I've spent on a pair of shoes. For serious. (don't worry, I've gotten my money back on those shoes, ohhhh believe me, I have)

Anyways, I stayed at the Ascelpios resort which was a few miles out of San Jose up in the mountains. There are 12 bungalows there and I think the most that can be present is 24 guests, but, there were maybe 10 of us if that--which was so lovely.

Poolside

The resort

Spa facilities 

The staff was amazing, the spa treatments rocked and the grounds were just stunning. I also went on a zipline tour even further up in the mountains and that was probably the neatest thing I've done in ages! I'm scared of heights, so, there were some concerns, but, I DID IT. And it was so gorgeous up there. Goodness! I felt like I was in the Garden of Eden--for real!

Colinas de los Poas--aka Garden of Eden

Hiking through the trees

Wheeeee!!

I had literally some of the best food of my life--oh my gosh, I had a tuna dish that seriously changed my life. I got some sun (too much, standard), got my ass kicked in yoga (nailed a handstand, what what) and cried out some gunk.

Displeased at my tan lines--with sunscreen!

Hello, bathtub!

Where I slept

View from my room--I KNOW

Amazing Costa Rican sunset!

Morning in the mountains

Am I better? Yes. Am I totally "healed"? Oh hell no. But, I did work out a lot of stuff and I cried a lot. I've done a lot of crying since I've been home as well, but, I'm trying to focus on the good and upwards and onwards and all that.

Then, because I wasn't spoilt enough, when I got home and my bestie whisked me off to Fort Worth to See Our Show at The Bass for a perfect girls night out.

Idiot besties at the Barricades (which you can maybe kind sorta see behind us)

I cried the whole time, she held my hand, we both cried, and it was just what this weary soul needed.

I don't know where I'm going, I know where I've been and Costa Rica is helping me get to where I want to go!

At The Interval

(Interval pic of me and my bestie at Our Show dealing with Our Own Issues--thanks Boubill and Schoenberg)

Interval, gap, break, intermission--whatever you want to call it--that's where I am right now. The first act of my life has wrapped and now I'm sitting in the dressing room waiting for my curtain call.

Only thing is, Act Two hasn't been written yet and I've no idea where to start. But, it's my turn to write my own story (unless Andrew Lloyd Webber wants to help a sister out, because dude can write some good shit), to be the leading lady in my own life. To not settle. To only accept butterflies. To live a whole big life. To challenge myself--which, let's be honest, is the hardest.

The interval is scary. I do not like it here. I am unsure, I am scared, I am anxious, I am jittery. I'm the most impatient person ever and I want Act Two to start already, for the love!

The interval is where we reflect on Act One and anticipate what is to come (or go stand in line and get a drink and or fight for the restroom--let me tell you about the time I got locked in the restroom at the Queen's.... Well, that's basically the whole story--but, being trapped in a 100 year old bathroom with no A/C and hundreds of people outside? Bit scary). Anyways, Act Two is always the best right, the best is yet to come and all that? (don't believe me? Watch The Epilogue from my favorite show--I'm certain it's the most moving piece of musical theatre ever written)

Act One was pretty great, it certainly had it's moments, it had some style (quick! name that musical!)--although the ending song was a bit melancholy to be sure, but, I am certain that Act Two will be filled with joy and adventure and all the best in this life. Because I am going to find it, seek it out, surround myself with it and LIVE damn it.

So, I thank you for sticking by me at the interval. I know we'll make Act Two amazing.

After all, to love another person is to see the face of God (you knew it was going to happen).



"Do you hear the people sing, lost in the valley of the night, it is the music of the people who are climbing to the life

For the wrenched of the earth there is a flame that never dies, even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise

They will live again in freedom in the valley of the Lord, they will walk behind the ploughshare, they will put away the sword, the chain will be broken and all men will have their reward

Will you join in our crusade, who will be strong and stand with me, somewhere beyond the barricade is there a world you long to see

Do you hear the people sing, say do you hear the distant drums, it is the future that they bring when tomorrow comes.... Tomorrow comes!

(and, my friends, tomorrow will come)

Labor Day in St. Louis

This is long overdue, but.....

I hopped a plane to St Louis over the Labor Day holiday and spent a few glorious days snuggling my nephew, catching up with my soul sister and fellow H Jackman lover and of course, shopping. I feel like we always get ourselves into a bind with the shopping when we're together but, we can't help it!!

I so needed a weekend out of Dallas, which I know sounds horrible as I was just in Montana, and London, and !, but, the last few weeks had really, really kicked my ass and I just wanted to be in the arms of those who love me. I can honestly say it's the only time I haven't cried myself to sleep in ages--maybe I was just too tired to cry, or too happy. Either way, doesn't matter. I slept. AND there were no tears. 

Seriously, just sitting on their sofa, eating Thai (mmmmm red curry) and watching Love Actually the night I arrived was the happiest I'd been in a long while, no joke. I felt SAFE and loved--it was just what I needed.

Sara took me out to see The Lion King on Saturday and her husband hooked us up with a limo for the night, which was a huge surprise and SO kind. 

My best girl and me!

We had a lovely dinner and a great time at the show which was housed in one of the most beautiful theaters I've ever been to--seriously, check this out! I die. 

Sunday we just chilled, ate, played with the baby and went shopping, duh. We hit Nordstrom, J Crew and Anthropologie, or you know, the essentials.

I'd been flirting with this dress at Anthropologie for ages and finally bit the bullet. It's very retro, which I adore--very Rachel McAdams in The Notebook, which, HELLO, me. Me, me. 


Then THIS beauty I randomly fell I'm love with. Totally different from anything I own but i looooove it. I'm picturing it with nude fishnet tights, black pumps and my Pippa-esque orange coat in then winter. I think I should relive Broadway Birthday Extravaganza 2011 and I shall wear this. I MEAN COME ON. 

Both perfect for dates, I just, ya know, need someone to take me on a date. I'm totally creating a mail order husband company, I feel this is an untapped market. Surely there is some hot foreigner who WANTS to marry me for a Green Card? I'm willing to do this.  

Well, alright. That post was random. 

Precious baby Mac!

But I didn't buy any shoes or handbags in St. Louis, so GROWTH. 

Oh, Sara bought these. I wanty want want. But I didn't. I AM SO STRONG.

Three Sleeps

Three sleeps until I hit the road (er, air?) for Costa Rica!

I'm maddeningly excited about the trip, albeit a little scared. I don't speak Spanish, but, enough to get through customs I hope.

The last time I was in a Spanish speaking country my life was so incredibly different than it is now, and I get teary and weak just thinking about it.

Thinking about all I believed and hoped for back then. I suppose that a holiday to a Spanish speaking country is a bookend to everything? Who knows.

I know I am a lucky one. I know that we'd all chose our problems over anyone else's, but, doesn't mean ours don't suck. And sometimes one just needs a break, a trip off the radar to forget, to recharge and sleep. For the love, I will sleep!! No internet to suck me in, no TV to distract me and who knows about phone coverage.

So, anyway, Costa Rica, ahoy! Also, I'm allergic to mosquitoes--I did not plan this out very well. ha!

And, when all else fails, let's just remember that THIS happens on Christmas day (it got pushed back here in the U.S--don't even get me started)--which is what, 98 sleeps? Y'ALL.