And not because I'm like fighting the men off or anything like that--trust me, that has never been an issue. (and my poor husband thinks he got all lucky and crap because despite what you think I am an excellent cook and I like me a clean house--he's just blissfully unaware that I was totally un popular in high school and obviously that is the be all end all of the world and I stayed with a terrible guy because good Lord I was too scared to be single....obviously, I have issues. Sucker.)
But, it is a good thing.
Also a good thing? The fact that I got married young. As in really young. As in what the crap was I thinking young (but am so happy I did because I love my husband and our crazy life) (wow, did this just turn into a gush about my marriage?). I digress.
I'm a very independent little lady (weird, I know). I don't mind being home alone and I'll get up and run in the dark at 5:15 all by my lonesome, no problemo. Also, I like things a certain way. If the husband offers to finish cooking a dinner that I've started, it ain't gonna happen because I have it visualized (?) how it should taste and he'll mess it up (trust me, I love him, but, it will not turn out the right way). This is weird and bitchy, I'm aware. And then I get all bitter about how I have to cook every single night. But, until Giada de Laurnetiis moves in with me, I'm pretty much going to cook because I like things a certain way.
Also, I'll eat anything my mother in law puts in front of me. This is bizarre because those folk? They like steak. And pork. I eat neither of those things. Except I was tricked into eating pork at a funeral recently. Let's not discuss this. It's a good thing I'm not Jewish.
Where was I?
Oh yes, good thing I'm married because even though I'm super independent and so clearly don't need anyone to tell me how to do anything (at one point today, I installed toner in a fax machine all by myself. If that isn't a victory, I don't know what is) (also, it's 2010, why are there still fax machines?) I refuse to learn certain other things. (this includes figuring out the pool filter and the lawn mower)
As in, ask me anything about my health insurance, property taxes and or why our windows are ghetto and I've got nothin. You want me to stash away money in my savings account like a damn squirrel with nuts? I'm you're girl. Want me to weigh the benefits of an HMO vs. PPO? Nothin.
I make the husband do that.
And before y'all get all feminist on me, chill. We did the whole open enrollment thing together when I started my job--looked through all the paperwork and all the costs and the breakdowns, etc. But, that was two years ago, it hasn't changed and I have no idea which plan we're on. I could of course look it up on my company's HR site, but, I don't really want to.
And money stresses me out and I figure he's way calmer under pressure than I am so if anyone is the smarter one with the taxes it's him because I would freak out way to much and then just not do my taxes and then go to federal prison and let's be honest I'm too pretty for prison. Federal or otherwise.
(this is also why I'm a rule follower. Super afraid of consequences and cops. In my husband's words "you don't have any rebel in you"--which is odd because I have two tattoos. But, we were all stupid and 18 once, yes? Yes).
So, at the end of the day, I might be a little June Cleaver in my "let the man handle it", in terms of some things, but, if you want someone to wig out on the cable guy, internet people or B of A for falsely charging you for something--I'm your gal. I'll even get you a month of internet for free. (The people at Time Warner Cable hate me)
That said, thank goodness I'm married otherwise, there's a good chance I'd be living on the lamb in Canada for tax reasons.
I like Canada and all, I just don't like the cold.
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18 comments:
This is too funny. I'm the same way though with some of those things and I am not married yet! So I am sure I will be more like you one day! (And I'm excited, not gonna lie...)
This is such a funny post and very timely to me because I was recently thinking about the same thing. I mean, I am a lawyer and all that, but there are some things that I lean 100% on my husband to handle. Car repairs completely stress me out. He can deal with our 401k and other investments. Etc, etc. Sometimes I feel a little guilty about it, like when I see a Suze Orman commercial.
You and I could be twins... swoon... I heart you.... xxxooo
This morning I said to my coworker, and I quote, "It's 2010 why the hell do we even still use fax machines?!?!?" LOL!
Ok so I loved this rant that got all off track but ended up being a marriage gush. :)
I too like things a certain way. I have decided instead of snobbish of bitchy, I am particular. Hmmph!
And I also refuse to do things. It makes your husband feel wanted and needed, right?
You are so funny! Thank God for my fiance because I don't do trash, mow the lawn, change the water filter, kill bugs, or anything car related.
Same thing here. It sends me into hysterics. Frankly, its safer and better for everyone involved if my hubs handles it. I'm not ready for tax fraud charges yet.
hahaha this made me giggle!! I'm SO the girl that will call back and talk to the bank, cable company, etc! Hubby will tell me he talked to them and I'm like "oh, no sir, I'm calling them back right now!!"
Ahhh, one more year and I won't have to do my taxes either. I don't even know where my W2 is right now, that's how bad I am.
Also, totally have a little daisy on my toe that I got when I was 18. Only rebellious thing I've ever done! (I hid it from my parents for 6 years cause I was so afraid of what they would say!)
It's a good think I'm married too. While I'm the one who does all the money/taxes and so on. If there is anything broken, heavy, scary, or anything related to the car then he does it. I refuse to get the oil changed or renew the registration. It's one of the many joys of married life!
Don't feel bad David is not even allowed to put up the groceries when he tries to help me I stop him because he will mess up what spots I had already decided to store them in.
Too funny! Of course, I'm the opposite of you ... I'm kind of chivalrous and overprotective. If she wants something from the grocery store at night, I go get it for her so she can stay nice and safe at home.
I love your writing :)
And seriously, not to brag, but hubby would be lost without me. I do our taxes, our bills, our finances/investments...he couldn't write a check to save his soul and probably doesn't know what an IRA is.
Then again, I really miss him on trash day :) Hehehe!
Okay, just kidding. I'm not that big of a biatch, haha!
aaaannnddd this is why we are friends. Chase Bank? Hates me. Open enrollment at my office? Called in not interested.
you're writing is awesome! i love how you don't want him to interrupt your cooking!!
I like to call these His & Hers Duties "spheres." That sounds less sexist to me somehow. And sure, I can enter the financial sphere if I so desire but, meh.
Oh you are not alone :) I don't even WANT to try to learn anything that has to do with taxes, yard work, anything that has to do with my car, or household maintenance. That's what husbands are for, right?
I can so relate to much of this.
Not to worry, you're not setting the women's movement back ;-). That is one of the cool things about marriage, that two people can each bring their strengths and handle the stuff each is good at.
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