No pictures, use your imagination

So, I told my sweet friend, miss Polka Dots & Protein Bars that I would write this post since she herself is living in a week long adventure of online dating. Enjoy the perils of my life. I can’t make this up. I’m not that smart/creative.

In college, I decided to do an online dating thing. I won’t tell you which website or whatever I used, because, well, that doesn’t really matter. Anyways. I filled out my little profile and can't really remember what I said about myself (after all, this was nearly a decade ago. Good Lord, I’m old), but, I remember my user name was CaliforniaCrewGirl. I was on the crew team and from California. Done.

So, blah, blah, I get an email fairly soon and am flattered because, well, you know, he seemed normal. We have witty banter back and forth for a few emails and I’m like “hey, this guy seems nice”. So, we decide we should chat on the phone sometime. I give him my number.

Not two minutes pass and my phone is ringing. It’s internet boy. (Sidenote: While I hate dating “games” being so damn eager is kind of scary too.)

Y’all. Y’all. Y’all. I am not one to judge an accent or anything like that, cause I do love me a sweet Southern drawl, but, he was so backwoods, I could hardly understand a word he was saying. Um?

We attempt to chat. It’s awkward. He tells me that he wants a wife. Um. I’m 18. He tells me he only wears Wranglers. That he intends to wear them on his wedding day. But, at least then he would wear black ones. Because that makes it classier. Obviously.

And that his mama would have to approve of me before we could go on a date.
Suuuuuure.

We email and chat a few more times. His mother approves of me. (WHY ON EARTH DID I EVEN PUT UP WITH THIS? Yes, all caps is necessary) (I sound really desperate, don't I?)

We decide to go on a “date”. Which, is code for, it’s finals week and thank goodness I have that as an excuse so let’s just grab apps somewhere.

Which translates to the On The Border off I-30 by Six Flags.

My hell.

So, I’ve seen his picture and he’s cute. Not George Clooney, but, I’m no Cameron Diaz, so, it’s cool.

Obviously, I wasn’t expecting George Clooney to show up, but, I wasn’t expecting Larry the Cable Guy either.

Oh Lordy. True story.

And it's wildly awkward. Like, we're fine in emails and online and even sorta fine on the phone, but, jeezus? In person. Notsomuch. How did this witty cowboy man turn into Larry the Cable Guy?

Oh, and then, when we lost touch for a few weeks because you know, my mom died, he was upset that I didn’t make time for him. Um. My mom died. I was a touch busy. And we weren’t like dating-dating. He.wigged.out. Like, was seriously upset with me. Um? No. Obviously, that was end of whatever it was.

Hopefully, he's found a wife by now.

But, it's doubtful.