Heaven knows my little heart has been taking a beating lately, and am rather exhausted from it.
I'm a giver, I dive in 120% to everything I do. There's a line in Eat, Pray Love that says "if I love you, you can have everything. My money, my time, my ass, my dog, my dog's money" and that's
so true. I will give you whatever you want no matter what it costs me. I will spend $90 sending something UPS overnight because I want you to have it RIGHT NOW. I will stay up way past my bedtime to talk to you. I will miss a run, I will cancel plans, I will do whatever is needed if you ask me to.
I'm my mother's child. She was the most giving, loving, thoughtful person you could have ever met. But there's a fine line isn't there? A line between giving and receiving. Because how much of ourselves can we give away before there is nothing left? I'm still working on this ratio, fyi, but, when I find it, I'll let you know.
So, I've loved hard, which means I've lost even harder. I've had days where all I do is migrate from bed to sofa, to big chair and back to bed. I've had days where I've run my little brain out. Or had enough Diet Coke to kill an elephant.
And as much as the loss, the heartbreak, the whatever hurts (cause it does y'all, oh it does), I try to hang onto the positive. The blessings. The lessons. (in between bouts of wanting to prison shank people, but, that's neither here nor there)
"And remember, the truth that once was spoken, to love another person is to see the face of God". (Victor Hugo for the win)
I know that if nothing else, if I've failed at everything, that I
have loved, and that is a blessing in and of itself. That, even through the pain, the tears, the core shaking emotions, I have seen the face of God.
And because of that, this little heart o' mine if gonna be just fine. Not today, not tomorrow, but soon.
This I know.
