So, here at SP's Royal Blog, we try not to get too sappy and emotional (lest of course we are talking about our mother, earthquakes and or the ever missing blessing onesies). So, please pass by if you were hoping for commentary on The Office (freaking hilarious), notes on Simon Baker (re-runs--again!) or stories about my shopping habits (um... yeah... I'm in trouble).
I've written this post a hundred times in my head (and I'm sure it sounds better in there!), but, anyways, here goes:
Today (well, actually 1.5 hours ago) a dear friend of mine was induced and sometime today or early tomorrow she will become a mother. I'm beyond thrilled for her, but, I won't lie and tell you that last night when I found out she was being induced today, that I didn't shed a little tear. Everyone I know (blog and real life) it seems is on the baby making bandwagon--which is awesome. I sometimes try to steal my friends kids, but, um, for some reason the kids always want to go with Mommy and Daddy. Hm, weird--I have cake.
You see, I want to be a mother. Desperately. Side note: young, cute, fun mother. My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. Most people at this point in their marriage have a brood. Yes, we married young and kids were not feasible the first two years. We've tried and failed and then waited and waited. Waited until I got a steady job. Waited until after X, waited until after Y, waited until after Z.... the list goes on. It's frustrating because as much as I want children, we can't financially justify it right now (please let my husband find a job). So, each time I see someone else who is pregnant, or having a baby, a little bit of my heart cries (and please, mommies to be and mommies, please know that I love you all so much and am so happy and thrilled for you all--because honestly, how awesome is it be create a little human?).
But, last night, after I wiped away my tear, I had a thought. A notion perhaps.
While previously it was all about counting down the months until, I've found something new to look forward to: running.
Of course it's no replacement for motherhood, but, it's a darn good way to give me something to work towards, to look forward to and to distract me (honesty, I told you). I'm running my first race next month, am running another in July, and hopefully a half marathon in August (which my co-workers want to come cheer at--love it). But, this morning, as I said a prayer for BFF A and her baby on the way, I also gave thanks for my energy, for my body--for the fact that I was up at 5:30 driving to the gym to run 4.15 miles--something that just a few months ago seemed hilarious. But, I'm doing it. I'm doing something for me. Something that I can share with my children, and ultimately, something that I believe will make me a better mother.
I don't know what "The Plan" that the Big Man Upstairs has for my husband and I, and I don't try to know. I just know that I've been blessed. Blessed with amazing friends who are amazing mothers who are showing me the ropes; blessed with almost 4 years of challenging, wonderful, hilarious marriage; blessed with a job that allows me go to the gym at lunch; blessed with legs that can run; blessed with the energy and love of so many people.
It may still be a while before we're blessed to be parents, but, until then, you can find me running.
Oh, and drinking lots of water out of my fancy pink water bottle. Obviously.
Happy Friday y'all!
27 comments:
great post. you should be extremely proud of yourself for the way you have turned to such a positive outlet. i know you are going to be an amazing mother one day--untl then, just keep on trucking ;-)
Awww.. you will have your day and when you do youre going to be an amazing mommy!!I just know it :) xxxoo
this is such a sweet, tender post. your time will come and it will be amazing!! you will be such a great mom. keep up the running - you're doing an awesome job!!
Running and a puppy worked for Charlotte on Sex and the City :) You will be a great mom when God knows you are ready. Good for you for making a conscious decision to give your future children the best possible life. So many times people want the baby without thinking about the kid, and it's the kid who suffers. As a teacher, I thank you for thinking about your future kid :)
I have thoughts like that all the time...but I'm even further behind in the process than you in that I'm still SINGLE!! ;) Hang in there. When the time is right, you will be able to give your future child the best life ever.
And, I've got to say it...it's so refreshing to read about people who actually take the time to think about what it takes to raise a child in the face of all the "Octomom" craziness going on in the world!! ;)
I understand the conflicting pulls between family, self, career, babies, etc! Good for you for both staying level headed about it and giving yourself permission to feel the emotions that you're feeling - that's a balancing act that everyone can't do honey!
And on another note, you won my giveaway! Email me at charismb@yahoo.com with what size and colors you want, then we'll talk about how to get the silhs actually done :)
I could write a NOVEL on God's perfect timing for children. Seriously. I wanted a baby so badly in my mid- to late-twenties, and then after I turned 30, I realized the horrible mistake my so-called "marriage" was and decided to fix that error. Funny -- it helps to be married to the RIGHT guy (ie, someone who really loves you) before getting on the baby bandwagon! Anyway, here I am at 32, ready to have my sweet William in July. I've wanted him for YEARS and YEARS and YEARS, but from this vantage point, I can finally see why God was saying "no, no, no" all those years. Because when He said "YES!", the timing was absolutely perfect, as was the situation in my life -- uh, married to the RIGHT man. :)
Dearest friend, the timing will come. I believe in this wholeheartedly, because I've seen the unmistakeable proof in my own life. God knows what He's doing, and thank goodness He does.
Until then, run your little heart out and be thin and fit and the envy of the rest of us!!! Hugs to you!!!
I am going through the same thing. It's so hard to remember God's timing is perfect isn't it.
I'm so glad you found something to keep you motivated and entertained. Running is a wonderful activity. And I know you'll make a fabulous mother.
ohh great post... I posted something like this about 8 months or so ago and now we are having a baby in september.. God works in wonderful ways... when you are least expecting it, it will happen.. that is how He works... I will keep you in my prayers and be thinking about you:)have a good weekend
Seriously, we should be friends. :) There is nothing I can say to make you feel better...I have been there and know that nothing anyone says will change the sadness your heart feels. I am just going to comment on the running....I totally agree. When I am running, even when it hurts, it is my quiet time. With each step I look for something else to be thankful for. Thank you Lord for that breath, for that step, for the wind, for the leaves, and you start to feel really blessed...and if you are like me, soon you start crying at all the blessings God has provided and all the passer bys think you are absolutely nuts. You will also be in my prayers. :)
Okay here is where I get all emotional on you. So I was reading this with tears running down my face because I could have written this post myself. I want babies so badly. We want a TON of kids, and I don't want to be a billion years old when they all finally graduate high school so I feel like we need to start ASAP. But, stuff keeps getting in the way. First it was wait until after school is over, then after he gets home from his deployment, now I want to work for at least 12 months before having to take maternity leave so that pushes us back even further, and then what about the army still having its claws in us, and then Z wants to wait until he knows for sure what he is doing after he gets out of the army in May 2011...it just keeps getting pushed back further and further. It's so frustrating because it feels like I have no control over it and that it just keeps getting pushed back by a myriad of things. But, like you, running is keeping me sane. I all of a sudden have a whole list of things to keep me busy and goals that I want to accomplish and it is making me realize that God's timing is better than mine. So, I'll deal.
Thanks for writing this :)
Oh Miss Shabby P......I understand more than you know. But, no worries, the day will come when you are a mother too and the hubs will have a job. You see I'm waiting for that day to come in my life as well. Just know still, as much as you love your fur babies, you are going to be a great mom. So, keep on hitting the run!!!
I can totally relate... we're coming up on 4 years in June, I totally imagined having a little family by now. But, like you said Heavenly Father has a plan for us, so we just gotta trust in that. I want you to know you motivated me to go running the other day. I wont even tell you how far I ran because it would just be embarrassing- but I did it... and that was a great step in the right direction! :)
This was a great post. Very open and honest and I like that! You will have your time and God's timing is PERFECT timing girl! You will be the cutest mom I know it! Hugs!
congrats for being so mature about it and realizing the expenses that kids occur and being able to wait until the right time for children.
too many people nowadays don't do that, immediate gratification doesnt work so well with children...
Your honesty is so refreshing. You will be a wonderful mommy!
I can't tell you how much this post touched me. I'm not there yet myself, not in the right place, and I am glad to not be, but at the same time, there are times when I look forward to it SO much I wish that everything else just fast forward so I could get there sooner. Your day will come, and when it does, the wait will be forgotten and you'll be a better mother for it.
This post was incredible and excatly what I needed to read right now. I want kids more than anything and can't wait to be a mother but Casey and I just aren't ready yet. We had planned on starting trying this year - but now that Casey is unemployed our plans are changing a lot! It is so hard to watch friends experience that joy and to keep reminding myself that our time will come.
I'll be praying for you and that you will find the strength. It is so great that you have found something to distract you and give you goals in the mean time - I certainly wish I had that sort of attitude towards running - it would help a lot in my endeavor to lose weight!
Wow. This is my first time visiting your blog. Sometimes i think I want kids now, but I know it would not be the best situation. We move every few months and my husband works so much. I think a lot of women, especially ones around our age, feel the same way. My nephew makes me want kids and every now and then, I get the urge, but deep down, I know that we are not ready.
I just want to give you ONE big giant hug after reading all this.
A.) Reading blogs are def hard because you can't steer clear of all the baby talk no matter how hard you try!
B.) I'm sure God will bless you and your honey when the timing is perfect! Maybe He is waiting for him to have a good secure job first... or maybe you'll still be that super cool Mom but just a little while later.
C.) I'm so glad you find pleasure in running AND cute pink water bottles! You are adorable! Please don't ever lose that attitude!
I love this post... I'm thinking about you, and so proud of your running accomplishments!
i love honest posts like this. you will be a fantastic mommy one day and at the right time. i'm so happy you've found such a great outlet in running-- and my heart aches a little every time i read about your running adventures. i'm so jealous and wish i could do it so effortlessly as you do! it's truly inspiring!
you are so sweet and are going to be such a great mommy one day! and i know the exact same feeling. we actually waited over 4 years ourselves. it was a great time to spend married and have that time before little ones. we had friends all over the place getting preggo and having babies and we had to say when it's God's timing for us=) yay for running and pink water bottles in the meantime and i will soo be praying for you and for hubby =) big hugs=)!
This is a wonderful post. I'm wanting a baby so badly...but we're in financial situations as well. I've started running and I have been looking at it as getting healthy enough to have a baby. I'm a long way from that...and so it motivates me to keep running...
It does seem like the b-talk is just everywhere, doesn't it? It's on my mind often, and the AH & I aren't even trying (yet).
It is so difficult being patient and waiting for capital "l" Life to get itself sorted out as we would like it to be, isn't it? In the meantime, how fabulous that you're taking care of your health & rediscovering a running hobby.
I just wanted to leave a little comment on your post, albeit quite late. I was nodding my head while reading your post, thinking I feel the same way. It's so hard, and I may take your lead and find something to fill that void. But, it's hard to keep the faith that the timing will be perfect when you want the timing to be now. But, good for you making such amazing progress with your running - I am in awe!
Michelle
cozystyle.blogspot.com
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